Quick post...if you can even call it that

I am on vacation in the big bad town of Springfield, Illinois (actually, I'm in Pawnee but you can blink and pass through that town) visiting some of the wife's family. We have visited this wonderful town for the past few Christmas vacations. It's not a bad place but it's not the kind of city that I prefer to live in or care to further visit on vacation as the excitement of this little town has pretty much worn off.

It's the capitol of Illinois although most presume that Chicago is. That's because Chicago is three, four, maybe twenty times bigger than Springfield. AND the governor of the state doesn't reside in the governor's mansion in Springfield. He stays in Chicago...and the locals say that is one of the reasons why he probably won't return to office next year nor do they t want him too. If the next governor decides to hold office in Springfield, they'll have to pull the nailed plywood off the doors and windows of the governor's mansion and clean up the building a little bit. It almost looks like a building down in Florida awaiting a hurricane.

Anyway, it's almost a twelve hour drive but we made it up here from Dallas, Texas in about ten hours. Hopefully, when we leave tomorrow, we'll make it in just as short a time. We believe if we plan on visiting again this time next year that we will fly. I'm tired of the driving since I do ALL of the driving because I don't trust my wife's driving skills. LOL!

Well, I must go put the children to bed for our early rise tomorrow and long journey home. Ah...I can't wait to get home and sleep in my own bed. I haven't slept well since I've been here but I've slept enough to be functional each day without getting a headache. So knock on wood.

Maybe I'll be more interesting reading in the next post.

Later!

SNL "Dick in a Box!"

I haven't seen Saturday Night Live in a long time but this past weekend (pre-Christmas) was pretty funny with Justin Timberlake hosting. Go to YouTube and do a search on SNL Timberlake and you'll probably find a few videos caps from that episode.

Here's one to enjoy:

Email humor for 12/21/2006

Mexican Flat Screen Television

I got a B+ in my accounting class

So, I finally found out this past Monday, or was it last Monday, that I passed my accounting class with a B+.

I'm torn between wanting to know what I made on the final and not giving a shit since I passed the class with a B+. Of course, I can set up an appointment with the teacher to see what I made at anytime after the winter break but, again, I'm not really sure I care to. The only thing that makes me want to see how I did is to see how much the 2-4 hours an evening for five days straight benefited me, if at all.

The final was worth 140 points—she grades on a point system. I needed 40 points to pass the class with a 71 or a C- (or C), 70 points to pass with an 82 (B-) or 100 points to pass with a 91 (or A-).

So, I assume that I made somewhere between the 70 and 100 points. I guess that's good enough for me to just assume the studying was worth it.

So, now on to bigger and better things...at least temporarily until the spring semester starts.

Lacey Chabert

Lacey Chabert is all grown up! I always thought she was hot on Party of Five but she was just a child then. But now....um, um, good!

What a man really wants for Christmas...

More from the Frontburner - Benny Hinn

This article cracked me up! I think if Benny Hinn would use some of that money he spends on hair spray to maintain the ULTIMATE comb-over, he could probably have the money he's begging for! RIDICULOUS!

Link the the article here!

Dale Hansen is once witty

I don't usually catch the news, don't care about the news, rarely care about the sports update and I can't take credit for this quote since I snagged it from some other blog called Frontburner. Okay, I do read DallasNews.com but I don't make it a point to check the television news broadcasts

Anyway, here is the quote:

Stars defenseman Darryl Sydor is an American citizen. Became official this morning. And you know what this means -- Sydor can live in Farmers Branch now."

By the way, at his request, Sydor attended the ceremony at his son's elementary school, which just happens to be my children's elementary school AND I was in the school about 15 minutes before the ceremony. Ah, the luck!

Do you think it would have been a big deal if I was there and asked for his autograph before the ceremony (as a Canadian citizen) and after (as an American citizen? Would it make his signature worth more if I had both?

Hm....?

Email humor 12/04/2006

Just enough time to quickly post some email humor I received today...

---

Living Wills..........be careful in their use.

While I was watching the NCAA playoff games last weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills.

During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted
to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle.

She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.

Sometimes it's tough being married to a smart ass.

---

A Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night .
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season!

I really should be studying but...

Instead I found a joyous sport picture on flickr.

Beach volleyball anyone?

Salma Hayek is still gorgeous

I've ALWAYS had a thing for Salma Hayek and photos like this make me wish I knocked her over the head and took advantage of her when I had the chance. Just kidding...but if I had the opportunity...would I have? Hmm....???

I can't help it. I just get lost in her boobs.

The Lake House (2006)

The Lake House (2006).

I just finished watching this movie and I've come away from it thinking three things:

(1) The actual house on the lake in the movie is pretty darn cool looking. Although, I didn't see a fire place or central air and heating so it's got to get pretty damn cold in the winter and somewhat hot in the summer although it's probably easier to cool it off than heat it up.

(2) Sandra Bullock still looked fairly good but she is starting to show every bit of her 44 years (I think she's that old). In fact, I think she seemed a little butt heavy in the movie but the seemed to do a good job with the camera not catching it EXCEPT in the scenes where she wearing a negligee while opening the blinds in her apartment and you almost get to catch a silhouette of Sandra heaven.

(3) Keanu Reeves is definitely no longer Neo material. He's looking like his age as well and even looks more like when he played Jjaks Clayton from Feeling Minnesota. I guess after the success he's had you can look like whatever the hell you want! I remember when he was just a young'n in A Walk in the Clouds.

Oh well, once again, I have exposed too much of my gayness.

I'm gone!

I'm a fan of women accidentally or on purpose showing me their parts but...

There is a certain point where I would draw the line. I may have mentioned this before but I work on college campus. As such, I see a lot of bared flesh - bared for one reason or another. I am totally okay with that as long as it's tactful - meaning I don't need to see Big Bertha showing me her plumber's butt crack!

I am so happy for these girls that are confident in their looks and their body but I DO NOT need to see their confidence! No matter what they may feel about themselves, seeing cottage cheese outside of the cottage OR seeing their spare tire is not something the overwhelming public would like to experience!

There is a reason a spare tire is hidden or stowed away in a car.

I'm no spry little buck myself but I also don't walk around with my ass OR my spare tire showing! Maybe just a few shivers of gray hair but that's completely unavoidable.

Finals are approaching

Not that anyone really reads my blog or gives a shit but i've been pretty busy lately.

I have my final for my accounting 101 class coming up in a week and a half and right now I am no way fully confident of passing. It's a buttload of information to process since the last test AND the freaking thing is comprehensive on some stuff we learned earlier in the semester. She said that her final wasn't comprehensive in the sense that she would test us on shit we learned months ago. I think she lied!

Anyway, I'm a slacker at studying to begin with so I'm trying to start early. My final is next Friday and she said, "Expect to take a three-hour final." What the hell is up with that? Just because the time allotted is three hours doesn't mean she needs to have a final that takes the three hours. Dammit!

Well, I am at work so I'd better do something.

I will try to type something a little more meaningful later. Probably much later. I know you are all dying from the suspense. :-)

Email humor 11/21/2006

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner? Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click ..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one!"
Wife: "You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!"

How to waste time at work...or play

Click here to have some fun!

IN: Hot chicks on game shows

I am sitting here flicking through the channels when I came upon a new game show that's premiering tonight on ABC. It's called Show Me The Money with host William Shatner. Yes, Captain Kirk has gone from the big screen, to commercials, to Boston Legal, to a game show host!

The game show concept isn't too bad. It's just a spin on the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. The thing that gets me with these game shows are the extremely hot, fit, attractive, gorgeous, sexy, did I say HOT, dancers/assistants on the shows. Even on Deal or No Deal.

I don't know if this show will take off like 'Deal' but I don't mind the eye candy while it is still showing! I'll probably forget about it after it's over anyhow.

Is it pitiful that I could blow a load watching a game show?

Yippee! Farmers Branch sends a message to illegal immigrants

Again, I could give a shit about politics but I just can't stand stupid as mother truckers.

Check the whole story here

Farmers Branch on Monday adopted strict measures against illegal immigrants, requiring apartment renters to provide proof of citizenship or residency and making English the city's official language.

The City Council also unanimously agreed to let police apply to participate in a federal program that would enable them to check the residency status of suspects in custody and initiate deportation proceedings in certain cases.

The measures, believed to be the first of their kind in Texas, brought cheers from supporters but sparked anger among some Hispanics and other opponents that the action will cause further racial tension in the city.

Protesters gathered at Farmers Branch City Hall hours before Monday night's City Council meeting. Shouting matches periodically erupted outside the council chambers between supporters and opponents of the ordinances.

Some Hispanic activists said they will sue the city over the decisions.

First of all, for what are they going to sue? There have been no civil rights violations, no amendment violations...no violations whatsoever.

This isn't against LEGAL immigrants or Mexican naturalized citizens.

If these stupid "activists" would get the fuck off their high horses and realize that ILLEGAL immigration is a problem, maybe they'd realize that the city (hopefully the US government will follow) is trying to protect it's legalized citizens.

If it was up to me I'd refuse these illegal mothers everything. Would these activists willingly help a proven murderer, rapist, or thief?

Go cry on Vincente Fox's shoulder you whiny ass bitches!

Yes! I am an angry person!

I'm a comic chick perv

I was watching a couple of movies, Ultimate Avenger and Ultimate Avengers II. Obviously, they are animated super hero movies.

They had a couple of characters named Black Widow, Wasp and Betty Ross. The latter wasn't a super hero as much as she was just a hot scientist that used to be dating Bruce Banner before he became the Hulk.

Anyway, I remembered why I always liked Marvel Comics and animated movies...allow me to share my reasons.


CLEAVAGE!


CLEAVAGE!


CLEAVAGE!


CLEAVAGE!


CLEAVAGE!

Hogan obviously doesn't know best

I've been meaning to blog about this for some time but I've just been too damn busy this past few weeks or so.

Anyway, I remember watching the "reality" TV series, Hogan Knows Best. I was a regular watcher but I remember seeing an episode where Hogan's daughter, Brooke, is trying to start a singing career. They get some meeting with some producer (a black guy, can't remember his name) and Hogan says something to the effect that he doesn't want his daughter wearing slutty clothing to sell her singing. I recall the producer said something like you know wrestling and I know the recording industry. Hogan apparently didn't like this comment and said something about finding another producer.

I first commend Hogan for sticking to his guns about how his daughter would be potrayed but I don't understand how what she wears already around the house is much different to what she'd be wearing to promote her singing.

By the look of it, Hogan obviously wisened up to the fact his daughter NEEDS to dress provocatively because here is the cover of Brooke's CD. In fact, I think she's wearing even less than I would have expected from a father that was supposed looking out for his daughter.


In fact, here is a picture of Hulk and Brooke where it looks like Hogan is pointing to and bragging about the way his daughter is sexily dressed.


In my opinion, she NEEDS to dress like this to promote her music because that damn song, "About Us," is so gosh darn high-pitched and repetitive that I think only dogs can really hear it. Of course, I say her song is repetitive but I also realize that it is the same with just about every song these days. They write 6-8 lines of lyrics and repeat...interlude without lyrics...then repeat lyrics some more.

That's the quality of songs these days and they expect people to buy that shit? Maybe the pimple-faced, grillz-wearing, baggie-panted mo-fos who think they are cool when they really look like a bunch of hoodlums and idgits!

Holy shit, I sound like my father!

Email humor 11/04/2006

President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"

The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor! What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?

Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you, no one gives a shit about the 140 million Muslims".

---

Oh no, not Doogie Howser!!!

In the news...

Actor Neil Patrick Harris says he's 'a very content gay man'
07:46 PM CST on Friday, November 3, 2006
Associated Press

LOS ANGELES – Neil Patrick Harris is gay and wants to quell any rumors to the contrary.

"(I) am quite proud to say that I am a very content gay man living my life to the fullest," Harris tells People magazine's Web site.

The 33-year-old actor said he was motivated to disclose his sexuality because of recent "speculation and interest in my private life and relationships."

Harris stars on the CBS comedy How I Met Your Mother. He started on TV as a teen, playing the namesake doctor on the series Doogie Howser, M.D.

Jessica Biel vs Kate Beckinsale

I was perusing more "gossip" web sites and found this "vote-off".

Jessica Biel vs Kate Beckinsale.
(click here to see more pics for comparison)

VS
As one person stated in the comments, "NO! Don't make me choose!" I must agree with them. It's a very tough call. Both have the ASSets and both are mighty fine!

I think I can talk them into playing nice and have the fantasy-celebrity-threesome I've been looking forward to all my life!

After further review, deep thought and pulling out my hair, I think I have to go with Jessica Biel. I mean don't get me wrong they are equally gorgeous but I think Jessica has a more natural beauty to her - just barely.

Okay, I must have some alone time in the bathroom...."NO, Ma! I'm just pooping!"

An evening three-quarter moon

Head RIP Ti.Fiber 16g tennis Strings

I may have mentioned that I am an avid tennis player. I don't play as much as I used to or as much as I would like to but I do try to play at least once a week on Saturday mornings. Occasionally, I have daddy or family duties that interrupt my tennis Saturdays but I try.

As a tennis player, I am considered a power hitter with a lot of top spin. There is nothing like cranking a forehand down the line for the winner or smacking it directly at the player at the net (oh yeah, I typically play doubles on Saturdays with a group of guys I've been playing against for around 12 years) and watching him squeal like a pig while trying to dodge my purposefully placed shot at his nads!

Being such a player, I typically break a lot of strings even in with the infrequency of my play. I just haven't found a durable string other than my latest attempt with polyester. These polyester strings are durable but that's about it. I have a mixture of game play - 80% power and spin, 10% touch and precision. With the polyester, there is no such thing as touch. Every shot has to be hit with some power behind it otherwise a drop shot will be very short or a spin shot will be more like a grounder to third. I have to swing through EVERY shot otherwise it's like hitting the ball with a wooden ping pong paddle. My arm is tired after playing a few sets and that NEVER happens to me!

My favorite strings to play with in the past few years are called Head RIP Ti.Fiber 16g. They are a silver colored string and they have lasted me for months at a time. I just broke my last set a few weeks ago and I am lost because I'm stuck with choosing a shitty string or going to my un-favorite polyester purely for their durability. I've searched the world wide web for these RIP strings because they have been discontinued. Why you ask? Well, why would a company sell a string that rarely needs replacing. They can't make any money like that. You want people to buy strings and buy them often. Hence, they discontinue the quality string and leave us tennis players with crap - unless you are a professional who gets his/her strings for free anyway. I just can't justify paying $15+ for a set of strings that I will break in about 3-4 hours of play and I'm not hitting half as hard as the pros.

Anyway, if you come across a string called Head RIP Ti.Fiber 16g for sale at a reasonable price (I have found it for 11.99 but out of stock at one web store and $14.50 - up from $11.85 four days ago - in stock at another, please comment and let me know. I've looked and looked and these two are the best I can find, although I did find an entire 660 ft reel for $400. That's a little...a lot...out of my price range although that reel could contain at least 15-20 or so stringings.

Here's a picture of the string package.

Bomb strikes Iraq wedding party

BBC NEWS | Middle East | Bomb strikes Iraq wedding party <----(click link for story)

I'm not politically charged but are these Iraqians stupid? Do they not realize they are just killing themselves? It's like genocide, freaking morons.

I'm telling you, if I was President, I would let these people kill each other off until there aren't many left wanting to fight and then you could jump in and "encourage" a democratic government to be set up.

At least we (Americans) wouldn't have lost 100 soldiers in the month of October!

Think about that!

USC's loss to OSU Beavers potential headlines

Again, I am not a football fan and especially NOT a college footbal fan but this was an email sent from a coworker who thought this was funny.  Laugh it up whether you are a college ball fanatic (as she is) or not.  Even I understand simple-minded humor.

Sample headlines post-USC’s loss
courtesy of www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com
For reference (if you didn’t already know), the two teams that played were the USC Trojans and the OSU Beavers.

“Trojans Busted, Beavers Responsible”
“Beavers Turn Back Trojans In The End”
“Trojans Denied By Beavers”
“Beavers Defense Too Tight For Trojans”
”Impotent Trojans Can’t Penetrate Beavers”

I guess even Scrabble is a competitive game

Add some headbutts or groin punches and it could make it on an ESPN national broadcast. Someone sets a record and they blame it on his and his opponents' "lack of experience."

Come on, give credit where credit is due. Although I do think they did a good job in saying, "Michael Cresta holds the record for club play, while Mr. 770 keeps his tournament mark."

I'm impressed with Mr. Cresta's humility as well when he says, "It's really not that big of a deal because I'm really not that great of a player. If you get two experts together, that game's not going to happen."

Long live Scrabble!

(click on the link below to end your confusion and see the full article)

830! How a Massachusetts carpenter got the highest Scrabble score ever.

NFL, NBA, NHL, Tennis or whatever

I think that the league officials for any sport need to lighten up!

I am not a football fanatic. I like to watch good games...games with exciting catches and runs on the offense or awesome blocks or interceptions on the defense, just good plays all around.

I was flicking channels on football Sunday this past Sunday and I watched a few games. I can't remember which one it was but a running back had a damn good run and after he got tackled (out of bounds I might add) he placed the ball with an upward palm under the chin strap of the defender that tackled him. He got called for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Personally, I think that these guys put their bodies through serious impacts and risk of injury they deserve to be a braggert now and then. More examples are like back when they were show boating in the end zones after touchdowns or even when Terrell Owens did it on the Dallas Cowboys star at center field in Texas Stadium, I think they should be able to do that too!

I don't have a lot of examples for basketball but I think if you can break the backboard, you should be able to. The NBA makes plenty of money to replace a backboard now and again.

Although they consider tennis a gentleman's game, I think there should be allowed a little more gloating. I think tennis players don't gloat, not because of some rule, but it's just the way it's always been. I think times need to change. If you can kick the shit out of someone in a tennis match after you were an arrogant ass, I think you should do it. BUT, if you get your ass kicked, you will look more like a fool than an ass. Would this not make tennis more interesting to watch?

I could go on and on as usual but I'm about to watch Heroes. So, I'll shut my trap...for now.

One Tree Hill is slowly going downhill

I just finished watching my recording of One Tree Hill and I think it’s getting a little to General Hospital-ish and too much Melrose Place-ish.

Of course, I guess it’s a little queer-ish for a thirty-plus year old man to be watching it in the first place, huh? If I had anything better to do like if there were more Stars’ games or tennis tournaments on television, maybe I’d have something better to watch.

So, back to the show critique.

I wish I could fall out a second story window onto my back. Not only did I fall out the window, I fucking flew like thirty feet out and thirty feet down. Amazing, I would be, huh?

Everyone is sleeping with everyone else. I mean why the hell would Brooke have a one-night stand so quickly after “breaking up” with Lucas? Also, how did Brooke and Rachel get into a bar when they are high school seniors?

Where did Rachel get her tits at such a young age?

Were YOU ever able to get into a high school classroom at 10 p.m. or so at night to have random, one-night-stand sex? I could but usually not without setting off a few alarms!

Why did they pick Lucas to be the Jake of Melrose Place? You remember Jake, right? He was the good guy that everyone loved to love and wanted to have as a friend. Only problem is, Lucas is a wussy mo-fo! I mean he’s like 130 lbs of skin and bone. They could have saved that title for Nathan.

Speaking of Nathan…and Haley. They are like Michael and Jane or Brandon and Kelly. They were the couples that you thought would survive all the lustfulness, deceitfulness and partner swapping that everyone else around them was participating in. You mark my words, their relationship will deteriorate. That’s the way all night soap operas go — two opposites come together unexpectedly; go through trials and tribulations in their relationship; expected to go the distance; writers decide to throw some spice into the show and BAM! The everlasting, ever strong couple is dissolved.

Okay, I’ll stop showing my gayness and go back to watching the Stars game.

More illegal immigration agitation

Click on the quote for the entire article...

US President George W Bush has signed into law a plan for 700 miles (1,125km) of new fencing along the US-Mexico border, to curb illegal immigration.

Mr Bush said the US had not been in control of the border for decades.

Illegal immigration is expected to be a major question in next month's US mid-term elections.

Mexican officials have opposed the fence, with outgoing President Vicente Fox calling it "shameful" and likening it to the Berlin Wall.

About 10 million Mexicans are thought to live in the US, some four million of them illegally.

An estimated 1.2 million illegal immigrants were arrested last year trying to cross into the US via the border states of Texas, New Mexico, Arizona and California.

I think President Vicente Fox is a moron..."likening it to the Berlin Wall." He's obviously the type of Mexican the US is trying to keep out of the country - stupid, ignorant and uneducated. The Berlin Wall separated the same country. It was used to protect Nazi Germany. It's easier to protect a smaller part of a country than the ENTIRE country. It was a strategic move to maintain security and control albeit a little extreme, it worked!

The Border Wall is a separator for two DIFFERENT countries. It should also be used to protect, to maintain some form of security and to control some of the illegal activity for the states bordering Mexico. I could go on and on.

I think we should actually have a charged (electrified) fence along the border. I think a few Mexican relatives get barbecued and they may think twice about crossing into the US illegally. Those that make it without getting jolted should be applauded but we will send you back and you can try again...and again...if you continue to succeed. It's just like within our country. We are too lenient on murderers, rapists and thieves. If we cut a few arms or sexual organs off, I think we could drastically cut down on these forms of crimes.

Anyway, will the fence be completely effective? NO! Like someone said in the article, it could be traversed and when there is no waiting border patrol on the other side then the effectiveness wains. Hence, the need for the electrified fence.

I believe something needs to be done and not just because they are Mexicans. I think it's an open border for a new breed of terrorists to cross. The border patrol is not as crafty as shown in "Born in East L.A."

Oh yeah, and why the hell isn't Vincente Fox doing something on his side of the fence to keep his people from becoming criminals by illegally crossing the border? I don't hear about him trying to talk to his fellow country-people to stay in Mexico to help make it become a better thriving country. Hmmmmmmm!?

People can always point fingers except for when it's pointed at themselves.

Stick a fork in me...I'm done.

...for now

More stuff on illegal immigration in Farmers Branch, Texas

If I lived in his town, I would support this city council member 100%. It's time to walk the walk instead of talk the talk! People that disagree need to realize one thing - he's targeting ILLEGAL immigrants. Not your up-to-date green card or visa holders. And those businesses that are complaining...I guess we could liken it to aiding and abetting a criminal. Not much of a difference except probably the severity of the crimes.

An excerpt from the article: click on quote to go to the article on DallasNews.com

Mr. O'Hare has suggested that the council consider ordinances that not only penalize landlords and businesses for dealings with illegal immigrants, but also make English the city's official language and curtail spending for illegal immigrant children to participate in some youth programs.

Council member Ben Robinson suggested the city also consider prohibiting the assembly of day laborers, and authorizing police who question the validity of residency papers of immigrants encountered during traffic stops or accidents to make and submit copies of the papers and submit them to immigration officials.

The council also will discuss the federal 287(g) immigration enforcement program, which gives police departments access to databases to determine a person's identity and immigration status, and decide whether illegal immigrants who have committed crimes are eligible for deportation proceedings.

Testing blogging from Performancing in Firefox 2.0

I just downloaded and begin playing around with FireFox 2.0 for the first time.  I am a creature of habit and I hate to learn new things that is why I have always used IE but I read that this is a really cool browser.  Of course, I heard that IE7 is a very cool browser as well.  I will download later once my work lets me know that they will/can support it in case I need assistance with anything.

So far, the FF2 seems pretty interesting.  I have to get used to the tab browsing but I think I actually like it versus having multiple browser windows open separately.  I've downloaded some interesting add-ons/plug-ins like the AccuWeather, Performancing, FoxyTunes and a couple of others.  There are more I'd like to check out but it seems they haven't been updated to work with the new 2.0 version.

Right now I am testing posting a blog entry from the Performancing add-on.  It's got some built-in metrics for blogs so that will be cool to see how it works.  I already use a free stats place but if I can get it all in one place, that would be very beneficial like less usernames and passwords to remember.

So, I'll finish this test entry and will continue later if all works well.

Update: Well, I ran into my first problem.  I hit the "publish" button and it got some error stating it couldn't connect to the AtomServer.  I clicked to view blog and it got a bad request error page.  After that, the browser locked up.  I guess that's one problem with tabbed browsing and this seems like it will affect IE7 as well.  I had to Ctrl-Alt-Del and cancel the unresponsive program which in turn closes all tabbed sessions.  Sometimes in IE6, if I have more than one browser window open and one locks, I can Ctrl-Alt-Del and it will only close that particular browser window, not all of them.  Oh well, back to seeing if I can get it to work after restarting FF2.

Update 2: Well, hot damn! It worked.

Email humor 10/21/2006

Why does it always happen to the innocent, little ones

Again, I ask how some can have unwavering belief there is a God, a loving God. How loving is it for a 3-yr-old to get the living shit kicked out of him, have to suffer through his injuries and finally put out of his misery when his body just couldn't maintain functioning with his injuries.

We waste money on jailing these people. We waste money on trying these people. We waste money on putting them in prison to serve their terms.

For people like this, I would enjoy being judge, jury, executioner. And all I would waste is my own energy and maybe a bullet after I gave them what they gave their victims.

Sounds harsh, I know but if we as a society were not such pussies on such heinous crimes, I think there would be less of them. Jail is not punishment nor is it rehabilitating. It's like a bad, bad Griswald vacation!

As a parent, it infuriates and saddens me to see this happen to innocent children. Read the story and get pissed off with me.

Mom charged with not halting child's beating

05:11 AM CDT on Friday, October 20, 2006

By JASON TRAHAN / The Dallas Morning News

The mother of a 3-year-old boy who police say was beaten and kicked to death by the woman's teenage boyfriend has been arrested and accused of leaving her son with the man after she witnessed most of the violence.

Arrest warrant affidavits say Arlena Lindley, 21, of Dallas was in the apartment when her son, Titches Lindley, was choked, stomped and tossed against a wall by her boyfriend. Then Ms. Lindley went shopping.

Ms. Lindley was booked into the Lew Sterrett Justice Center on Wednesday afternoon on a charge of injury to a child with the intent of serious bodily injury by omission, a first-degree felony punishable by up to life in prison. Her bail is set at $100,000.

Ms. Lindley's boyfriend, Alonzo Turner, 19, was being held without bail on charges of capital murder in connection with the Oct. 13 death of Titches.

He also is charged with family violence assault because he's accused of injuring Ms. Lindley.

Ms. Lindley and Mr. Turner have declined interview requests.

Police said that about 10 a.m. Oct. 13, Ms. Lindley was at the apartment in the 4800 block of Sunnyvale Street in east Oak Cliff when Mr. Turner flew into a tirade because Titches wouldn't eat his oatmeal and had soiled his pants.

According to the affidavits, Mr. Turner ordered the boy into the bedroom, told him to bend over and beat him with a belt. He threw the boy against the wall.

Titches then spit oatmeal on the floor, and after he refused to lick it up, police said, Mr. Turner forced the boy's face into the mess. He then grabbed the boy's throat and stepped on his chest, then forced the boy's head into the toilet, police said.

"She didn't step in to protect the child," said Lt. Ches Williams, head of the crimes against children unit. "She was there enough of the time to realize that the child was being hurt."

Instead, the affidavits said, the boy's mother left with a friend to go to the store. Mr. Turner would not let them take Titches along, police said.

When her friend asked Ms. Lindley if they should call anyone, she reportedly said no, one affidavit said.

Soon after, an apartment manager walking by heard Mr. Turner yelling, "Get up! Get up!" at the boy. Through the window, she could see the man kicking the boy. She knocked on the door and confronted him. "I had to whoop him for pooping in his pants," Mr. Turner told her, according to police.

She went back to the office, and 911 was called. An officer arrived but found the apartment abandoned.

Police later learned Mr. Turner had taken Titches "to the store to get Pepto-Bismol because [Titches] was complaining of a sore stomach," according to one affidavit.

Meanwhile, after doing some shopping, Ms. Lindley accompanied her friend to her apartment, where they discussed Mr. Turner's behavior. Ms. Lindley, according to the friend, "was smiling when she told about the ... beating," an affidavit states.

At 1:40 p.m., the women returned to the apartment and found Titches, who was having "a hard time standing up and was tired." Mr. Turner told the boy, "Don't you fall down!" and laughed. The boy went to rest in the bedroom.

Ms. Lindley checked on her son and found his breathing labored but did nothing, police said. Minutes later, she found him not breathing, police said.

Mr. Turner dialed 911. Titches died at Children's Medical Center Dallas. Police said Titches had broken ribs, extensive internal bleeding and head trauma. The Dallas County medical examiner's office ruled he had died from multiple blunt force injuries.

When investigators asked Ms. Lindley why she didn't take her son away from Mr. Turner, she answered, "I don't know."

One of the biggest hoaxes of our time - the automatic dishwasher

I don't know who invented it but they are making a butt load of money off of rich, dumb ass people!

My wife is one of the dumb asses that believes int he product but we didn't have to buy the appliance as I am a renter and it came with the house.

I don't understand why people think that it does what it touts. It doesn't clean ANY and ALL dishes ALL the time. No matter what anyone says, you still have to pre-clean some dishes like that baked-on-caked-on lasagna or casserole that grandma made. For that dish, there WILL be scrubbing and cleaning with a lot of elbow grease before you even put that shit in the dishwasher! Trust me! Anyone that tells you different and you believe them probably sold you some ocean front property in Arizona!

My wife says she'll do the dishes. Her "doing" is putting the dishes into the dishwasher. Of course, the dishes don't get washed until the dishwasher is started. Which the dishwasher doesn't get started until the dishwasher is full or damn near full. So, sometimes a day or so could go by before the dishes are washed by the dishwasher.

Which in turn leads to the occasional argument because I get frustrated and pissed off when I am looking for a spoon to eat my bowl of cereal that is getting soggy because I can't finding a fucking CLEAN spoon. So, I have to open the dishwasher, take out a dirty spoon that really could have easily been wiped clean with a soapy sponge and warm water but instead I have to dig it out of its storage container in the dishwasher and clean it so I can eat my now syrupy cereal. Once I am done eating drinking my cereal, I wash my bowl AND spoon under the faucet with a soapy sponge. Easy as pie. End of story.

The problem is my wife likes to let shit lie around for hours or days. When I cook dinner for the family, I clean up my mess afterwards and even wash the dishes I used so they don't get dried-on-baked-on-caked-on or take up the small kitchen counter area because that's just the kind of guy I am!

See me do it! Learn from doing it! YOU Do it! That's what I try to instill in my wife but I just am not getting through to her. She's got a PhD but she can't get IT!

Oh well, I just had to type about it because that's what I just got done doing. Washing the dishes and then finding there is a shit load of them in the dishwasher waiting for who the hell knows how long to be washed. So, I just turned the damn dishwasher on and had to come release some frustration.

I don't think it worked!

Clay Aiken

I'm home with both children sick. I didn't HAVE to take off from work but it seemed like a good day and a good excuse.

Anyway, I can't believe I'm about to post something on Clay Aiken. I think I'm getting my children's sickness!

I was checking my home email. I'm on this listserv for Wal-Mart.com. The sent something about 97-cent titles. I was thinking it was DVD titles but I was wrong. They were advertising/promoting Clay Aiken's new CD in Wal-Mart stores now!

Check out this link and be disturbed with me. Clay looks a lot different than his American Idol days but the destruction he has done to songs that should NEVER be remade by someone at such a low, low caliber is inexcusable. The worst is "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" sung by Bryan Adams and now junked by Clay Aiken. No one, I mean, NO ONE can do this song after Bryan Adams. It's like sacrilegious. He also ruins Elton John's "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word" and Dolly Parton's "Here You Come Again."

I can't believe someone signed off on allowing him to butcher these songs.

Dallas Stars versus Los Angeles Kings

What the hell is wrong with the Dallas Stars organization? They haven’t played since Saturday and the first game since is at freaking 9:30 p.m. CST!

I mean I know these late games are going to happen but to keep us waiting for a Stars game for five days and then make it a late, LATE one is somewhat ridiculous for the home fans!

Oh well, back to watching the Stars at the Los Angeles Kings—which the Stars are currently winning 1-0 with 13 minutes left in the first period.

I’m gone!

Tired and busy

I've been tired and busy the past few days...weeks...to type anything really meaningful other than the occasional forwarding of the humorous email. I'm going to try to do better but don't get too excited.

I'm about halfway through a new semester of school and I'm doing pretty good in accounting. I ended up dropping my philosophy class today. About two and a half weeks in, I couldn't stomach the boring ass professor. It's his first semester to teach here and it shows. The entire class hated this guy. He sucked balls, trust me! Difference between me and the other, younger students is that I pay for the class (well, sort of) and not mommy and daddy. So, dropping the class is an option for me although it sets my degree completion back three hours, three hours there. I gave it a try and today I made the final decision to just drop the fucking class besides the fact that I missed the mid-term because I have been planning to drop the class for at least two weeks. Anyway, done deal!

I didn't drop the class entirely because the professor sucked, although it was a BIG factor! I had some family issues (you know the shit-hole brothers and sisters) pop up that required my time and the only time I had available was during work which also includes my occasional hour and a half class. I had to run to talk to lawyers, visit downtown Fort Worth county offices and all kinds of shit.

Something had to give and because I lack focus and discipline the shitty philosophy class had to be dropped! The only thing that I regret is that I won't be in the class at the end of the semester to fill out the teacher evaluation form. I would have ripped him and I hope the younglings do! I did add his name to ratemyprofessor.com and gave my honest, NEGATIVE review. I'm hoping others that were in his class will follow my lead.

Well, I'm getting kind of tired so I think I quit for now. Maybe I'll have something a little more interesting later tomorrow or the next day...or the next.

Email humor 10/09/2006

One for the women...
(I didn't create these. I don't believe them. They definitely aren't true. That's what makes them so humorous!)


WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

---

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

---

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

---

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor..."It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man,"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

---

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own ....... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

---

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

---

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..."

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

---

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

---

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .......... "HEBREWS"

---

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

---

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Email humor 10/05/2006

An email chain letter that almost made me cry

I know, I am a woman trapped in a man's body...This is just one part of the entire chain letter that was title something about how we should treat others in the world because you never know who you might have been helping - one was about in the 1960s how a white man helped a black woman who was stranded on a highway during a rainstorm and it turned out to be Mrs. Nat King Cole.

Anyway, this is the only one that really caught my gut because I would have done this for my brothers and sisters when I was a young boy and before I was wisened by the years of seeing their true colors.

It also got me because my kids would do this for each other as youngsters and I think they would do it later because that's the type of morals and principles we have instilled in them and will continue to build upon so they won't turn out like my crap-hole brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews have.

Anyway, to the point...I'm sure most of this is made up but it rings some truth to it in the real world.

Giving when it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

STOLEN: Black and silver bike seat...

also stolen was the nut, bolt and clamp that holds the seat secure and in place.

What is the world coming to when my bicycle seat is stolen while my bike was chained to a bike rack at the local rail station? Of course, I did leave there overnight but that is beside the point.

See, I had to ride my bike to the Mockingbird DART station because my wife was too busy to give me a lift in the vehicle. I needed to keep a schedule to get to Union Station in downtown Dallas to catch the TRE that goes to downtown Fort Worth. Anyway, I rode my bike to the station and chained it to the bike rack. My nephew met me later in the day in Fort Worth - I figured I could treat him to Risky's BBQ all-you-can-eat ribs. Good times! Anyway, he drove out there and I drove back to my home in Dallas, thinking I'd pick up my bike a while later after I rested and relaxed from a long train ride and a long day of walking around downtown Fort Worth.

Well, time passed and I forgot until about 10:30 p.m. that night. I was too lazy to get up and go get it. I figured that it was a cheap bike - it cost my brother about $75 - so who would want it. If someone stole it, it's not like I was out a whole lot if I had to buy a new one. I look back now and wonder why thinking like this was coming from me: a person who is a tight wad on certain expenditures and any money is a lot of money to me! Anyway, I stayed home and vowed to pick it up the next day.

The wife picked me up for lunch and we drove to the station to find my bike was still there, chained to the rack, seemingly untouched. As we got closer, I had to giggle a bit because that's when I noticed the bicycle seat was missing. Upon closer inspection, I see that they took the whole seat apparatus - the seat, the clamp that goes around the neck of the seat pole, and the nut and bolt to tighten the clamp. It's not like the seat was this awesome, one-of-a-kind thing that was really worth stealing. Hell, you can probably buy it for like $10 at Wal-Mart. Amazing!

I was amused at the time and effort and tools whoever it was had to remove the seat but they didn't try to remove the back tire. The front tire was chained to the rack as well as the frame of the bike. Maybe a twenty-six inch rim and tire is not as easily smuggled from the scene of the crime as just the seat. Who knows!

Anyway, I guess the lesson learned is nothing is NOT not valuable enough to be not stolen.

Does Ron Jeremy still have it?

Or is this just a nasty, disillusioned "redneck"? I'm just jealous because I'd like complete stranger chicks - hell, any attractive chick for that matter - to let me grope their boobies...and not go to jail for doing so! HA!

More comments on True dating service

So, once again, I ask what is True really selling here? The girl on the left looks like her clothing is painted on. They both look like I'm getting lucky on the first date. They also look like the types of women you see on chat services or phone sex ads but you are really talking to "Large Marge."


By the way, I don't search these photos out nor am I part of the service. If you have a Yahoo email account or visit Yahoo.com at all, you can't help but see these advertisements. Anyway...

Where were these parties when I was younger?

Where are these parties now that I am older...married...with children?


(found this somewhere...can't remember where, otherwise I'd give credit where credit is due.)

Season premieres for Smallville and One Tree Hill

The woman in me has finally gotten satisfied by the season premieres of Smallville and One Tree Hill. Unfortunately for me, I’m not a woman!

I just got a chance to watch the episodes on my TiVo.

Anyway, here are a few of my critiques. Let’s start with the show with boy wonder…

First, in this show, I think more “normal” people get thrown through the air around 50 feet or more into objects like walls, cars or such and get up with minimal, if any, injuries.

Second, when Clark gets out of the “inescapable” phantom zone through the Kal-El family gate, four prisoners are sucked in with him and are obviously released into earth (if you didn’t see the extra “meteor-type” things fall from the sky when Clark did, you should watch Dancing With The Stars.) Before they switch from Clark activating the gate to Earth, you see the four prisoners in “human” form get sucked into the gate. Fast forward to the end of the episode and you see a “phantom” flying through the foresty river area somewhere in Argentina. If he wasn’t in “phantom” form in the phantom zone, I don’t think he should be so on Earth.

Third, Clark saves Martha and Lionel at his barn and then runs to the Luthor mansion to confront Lex and, by chance, save Lana—who was almost unscathed after Lex/Zod tossed her across the room into a wall about 50 feet away so he now has to choke her until she passes out. Instead of just speed running and knocking the wholly crap out of Lex/Zod, Clark stops in the entrance and says, “Let her go!” Now, how stupid was that? Anyone who is anyone knows that the element of surprise is essential in any battle.

Fourth, Lex/Zod and Clark are fighting in the woods. Lex is punching the crap out of Clark on this bolder. They show one hit to the jaw of Clark and “blood” spurts out as the force of the punch turns Clark’s head. I quote blood because it wasn’t red. It was more like a dark, oily color kind of like M.Fine was made of. What is wrong with this? Clark and Zod are immortal. No matter who is beating their ass, they are free of showing injury or even being injured. Now, you can chunk there asses through the air or knock them about but no damage or injury should occur. Look at Superman II. Superman fights Zod and his two underlings. He’s hit by a bus and one of them is batted by a light pole but they received no injuries because they are both immortals with the same super powers.

I guess that’s enough picking on the man of steel show. I do want to say that Chloe is getting hotter as the show progresses. I don’t know if it’s just because she’s getting older in real life or they are making her diet and such. Either way, she’s looking hotter…still no Lana, yet, but even Lana’s starting to lose that “loving” feeling.

Well, I was going to comment on One Tree Hill but I decided that I am obviously thinking too much about these shows. I should just enjoy them for what they are…entertainment.

So, I digress and will sign out for now.

Email humor 09/27/2006

The Four Stages of Life

Email humor 09/26/2006

BLOW UP DOLLS

A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"
Customer says, "Female"
Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"
Customer says, "White"
Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"
Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"
Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up.

The white man always trying to keep the brown man down

This is from my kids' 2006-2007 calendar from school about drug awareness and fighting against drugs. I live in what would be considered a very rich, white neighborhood (I'm brown [Hawaiian]) and to see something like this in an elementary school calendar is...well...funny but some may find it offensive.


If you don't get the picture, look closely. It is a WHITE kid with a BIG hammer smashing the BLACK drug dealer on the head to combat drugs because all drug dealers are Black or Mexican.

Get it?

Email humor 09/20/2006

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber."I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

---

The following is an actual question given on a University of Minnesota chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

---

Meet a man with 30 seconds left to live

---

Subject: Union Rules

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.

His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house.

We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.

"I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."

Apple iPod (fifth-generation update, 80GB, black)

This might be one of those times that I jump on the iPod bandwagon. 80GB makes it more enticing, for sure!

Apple iPod (fifth-generation update, 80GB, black)

Although, I was on this web site a while ago called Gizmodo and saw some mention about a nice MP3/Video player. Once I find out what it was called and find the link, I'll post it.

Update: Okay, I think I found it...sort of. I know it was an Archos player but can't remember which one, exactly. I think it was atleast the 80GB version and above. Anyway, here's a link that should bring up all Archos products on Gizmodo here.

Newer Update: It was an Archos 604 (30GB) but I believe they are coming out or have out by now the 60GB. You can see the CNET.com review of the Archos 604 30GB here. I'd much rather have the 60GB or 80GB version but I'd take the 30GB one just as well. Too cool!

Boobs will always make my day better

Went to a local sporting event. I was tired from staying up too late on Friday the 15th, getting up way too early to play tennis on Saturday the 16th, then had to watch my kids while the wife went somewhere for four hours, and had to go to this sporting event with the kids and some friends with a headache.

Was taking a random picture of my kiddos and look what popped into the frame. All was a little better once I saw this picture except it was two days later.

Ah well, boobs are better late than never.

Not email humor but nonetheless, from a chain email

In the pictures below, I don't believe they are completely cruel because I think that America is too lax on how we deal with/punish crimes - no matter how petty they may seem - and that's why we have so many repeat offenders. Although, to do this to an eight-year-old is a bit extreme. I'm sure his ass will not commit any further crimes, though, and I'm sure his family and friends will think twice, long and hard before they do something wrong.

This is from an email...not my words or official words of some news agency (as far as I know anyway)

An 8 year old child was caught stealing bread in a market in Iran. He is punished in a public place, in the name of Islam!!!

His arm will be crushed and will lose its use permanently. A religion of peace and love, they say? How can anyone believe them When they commit such inhumane acts?