In the news 04/20/2010

From Dallas News, headline reads

Whitewater park for kayakers planned on Trinity River in Dallas despite water quality concerns

Click here for the article while it lasts

Um, I don't know if you are familiar with what's called the Trinity River within the DFW city limits but it's not pretty. It's not a body of water I would willingly get into. I might even take death by execution-style versus getting in and submerging my head into the Trinity. This isn't the Holy Trinity. This is the Holy-Shit-That-Smells-Unsafe Trinity!

Some quotes from the article:

The Trinity River, which often seems like a dirty drainage canal...

The state has long deemed Dallas' stretch of the Trinity unsuitable for activities such as swimming, diving and water-skiing because of elevated bacteria levels that signal the presence of animal waste and human sewage.

And many paddling enthusiasts say they aren't worried.

But it is not those chemicals in the sediment that are likely to pose a hazard to kayakers; it is fecal matter that flows in from storm-water runoff.

It doesn't mean you shouldn't go in, but you should have caution...You should be careful. Don't be drinking a lot of it. When you get out of it, make sure you wash your hands before you start eating.

There is NO amount of justification for getting into the Trinity water. Unlike the mentioned bodies of water compared to, the Trinity has a lot of industrial runoff from many places like manufacturing and even residential.

This "river" has all kinds of shit in it: tires, grocery carts, all kinds of trash, maybe even a few bodies. It is not at all inviting and even if they did make it so, I still would not jump in.

A few years or so back there were talks of amoebas and parasites in the water. Deformed and poisoned fish. Even the article says there are industrial compounds in the water "making fish unsafe to eat." If the fist are tainted (and sea life is pretty resilient) what the hell do you think is going to happen to kayakers, especially after prolonged exposure.

Oh well, you psychos that want to get diseased, you drop right in there. I won't even use the viewing area. Why would I, to have a place to sit and smell the awful aroma from the Bog of Eternal Stench? Blah!

Email humor 11/12/2009

Old Fart Football

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'

The old man replied, 'It's fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.'

Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got and accidentally shits in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides.'

P90X - The Proof, The "Pause"

P90X has been temporarily put on hold. I sprained my right ankle playing tennis about two weeks ago. That was approximately the end of week five of the P90X routine.

The ankle was sort of a jam/sprain with a twist. I bought some new tennis shoes and put them on for the first time one Saturday morning. After an hour of warm up and about four games into a set, I was running down a lob. I stopped to turn and hit a ball when I planted my right foot and it hit wrong. I felt a jar from my ankle up to my knee. It tingle like a hit to the funny bone or the way a doctor tests reflex by hitting below the knee cap. I kept playing that day for four hours and, in fact, I played again the next for another four or so hours.

I tried to start back up Monday night with P90X day 1 week 6 since Saturday was only Kenpo X which I figured tennis substituted for and Sunday was a rest or Stretch X day but it didn't happen. The ankle was very tight and stiff. The warm up was slightly painful and I knew it wasn't going to make for a good work out whether it was just upper body or lower body. If the warm up hurt, it wasn't going to be a good exercise hour.

So, I've taken a couple of weeks off. The ankle is still stiff and a little sensitive to certain movements. I am able to still play tennis although it does tinge a bit when I push off my right foot. I think I may be able to start P90X again. What sucks is that I probably will have to start over at day 1 week 1. I'm not sure what is recommended as most posts on the web mention missing one or two days not an entire week or two. I really don't mind though. The workouts are enjoyable to me and although it's difficult for me to get motivated initially (just like getting up for tennis at 8am on a Saturday), once I get into the warm up and then the work out, I'm glad I did...95% of the time (LOL).

Something positive for me to take away from starting the P90X routine is that at times I did feel like I had more energy, was a tad faster and smoother in my tennis game, and slightly leaned down in certain areas. I found out I was doing P90X classic. I did have slight definition in my triceps and my "man boobs" (A-cups) began to tighten. The obvious change I can read is that the scale now says, "212" which is 14lbs lighter than when I started five weeks before. It's not a huge weight loss but seeing that 1) I was doing "classic" and 2) I wasn't following the nutritional guide, I would say it's a positive outcome. Once I restart the program, I think I will be more in tune with what to expect from the exercises themselves, how to push myself and look more to quantity versus quality, and possibly fit a little of the nutritional advice into my diet. It's tough giving up the majority of the foods that Master Tony may consider junk.

So, here's to restarting P90X. And now that I had some downtime to read the manual and know there are different routines, "Classic," "Lean," or "Doubles," I may go with doubles. It's not so much that it's more of a difficult routine as it is for me to get the maximum exercise I can get because that's what I feel like I really require. The only problem is that the AM exercise will be tough for me to fit in because I'll have to get up really early in the morning to fit the routine in before it's time for the kids to get up, get ready and be dropped off a school. I have a hard enough time now fitting the once-a-day "classic" routine in the evenings as it is. Luckily, it looks like the classic and doubles routines have the same first four weeks. The doubles don't start until week five. I'll still have to dwell on it and see what kind of time commitment I can give. Time is short between family, work and school especially when I really like my "down" time.

Anyway, here's to a good, productive, healthy start on either this coming Sunday or next Monday. I kind of like have my "rest" day over the weekend but you never know, I could get motivated to push the (re)start to tomorrow, the next day or the next. Who really knows!?

We'll see.

Stupid girl at work gets more stupid

I've mentioned this bright star before here. She still hasn't gotten it.

A couple of Fridays ago we had a "team" meeting about 3:00pm. She came sounding all congested and runny-nosed. She said she felt miserable but she was getting upset because she might miss a weekend retreat for which she had already paid something like $150. She didn't know if she would get better in time, I think she was leaving Saturday morning, but didn't want to waste the dough, which I can understand. Our boss says, "We'll try to make this [meeting] short and maybe you can go home early and rest." Stupid girl says, "I might do that."

Meeting ends about 3:45pm. We leave the boss's office and each go to our own. About 5 minutes later, stupid girl returns to the boss's office door and says, "I think I will go home early." Stupid girl goes home early.

Sunday evening rolls around and I see a status update on her Facebook page that says, "Had a great time at the retreat."

Also Sunday evening, my youngest starts to blow chunks. Blows chunks for most of the night. Goes to bed about 10:00pm feeling okay after having some ice chips (all day) and sips of Pedialyte. I make a sleep pallet on the couch as we put the sick child on a twin air mattress as to keep the bed safe from possible spewing. Sick child sleeps until about 4:00am and chucks again. At this time, I wake and call the boss's office number to say what has transpired and that I won't make it into work because I have to watch the kid and take to the doctor (the oldest just got over swine flu although it wasn't the bad-symptom kind) as the wife has to go into work (she's a professor and couldn't miss). I state that I can work from home and be available if needed via email or cell phone (unfortunatley they have that #). I return to my make-shift bed and we go back to sleep after about 15-20 minutes.

We try to sleep in and I finally get out of bed around 9:00am. I check my email, personal and work, to see that stupid girl is out of the office sick. I begin to think, "What a dumb ass!"

In my eyes and ANY boss's eyes, it's not good to call in sick on a Friday or Monday. I did it but I wasn't sick AND I offered to "work from home." Besides, they like me. I mean they really, really like me (think Sally Fields acceptance speech). Not only that, though, she posted what she did on her FB status which our boss is a FB friend for both of us. Just like last time she gave hourly updates about her chest pains.

Anyway, flash forward to Wednesday and back in the office. The boss and the boss's boss invite stupid girl into boss's boss's office. While they are in there my cubicle mate and I discuss what we think is going on. I mentioned the FB status and such but tell cube mate that I'm really just speculating. About ten minutes later, stupid girl emerges sniffling. Now, I'm not sure if this is because of her continued "illness" or allergies or whatever. I didn't pay that much attention at the time.

On Thursday afternoon, my cube mate tells me that stupid girl said they took her into the office to talk about how she "handled" Monday. They didn't think she handled it properly. DUH! Her, our, boss brought up her FB status that stupid girl posted and then she didn't show on Monday. That was a big NO NO and because she's so stupid they had to point out the obvious to her. Little do they know that stupid girl is still not going to get it! While talking with cube mate, stupid girl comes over and was like, "Yeah, can you believe that!? So, now I've changed [boss's] viewing access because unfriending her would be too obvious." DUH! Did stupid girl really think she was friends with her boss!? Golly gee willickers stupid girl, get serious!

Needless to say, I don't feel sorry for stupid girl. She's effing stupid! She does many things wrong. She doesn't work but says she's busy all the time. I don't think perusing Facebook and uploading photos to your Google Photos at work is technically work work. The list goes on and on but I'm not the snitching type unless it REALLY affects me and my time. Which sometimes it does but not long enough for me to really complain about it...yet.

So, I'm sure I'll have more to post on stupid girl's stupidity in the near future.

More P90X info

I just wanted to mention that I weighed myself last night and this morning. I am weighing in at 215 lbs. I think the time of day affects this, maybe because of what I ate hasn't digested from my stomach and been removed through...well, you know...but I have steadily weighed between 215-216 lbs the past few days.

Again, for me, it's not so much about the weight to start as it is about getting "fit." I think the weight loss will come as I exercise and continue to build more muscle, lean or otherwise. I'm sure if I was more strict with my diet the pounds would fall off more quickly. I'm just lazy and I know I probably won't buy or cook the foods they recommend. However, I may give in to their nutrition plan since I've been thinking about it more. I just can't decide.

Also, I haven't told anyone about my attempt at P90X except for the wife. I told her not to tell anyone either. I mainly do this because I didn't want to start, let everyone know, and then quit like I'm prone to doing. So far, I haven't quit. I have had to push a day back here or there like my days right now are a day or two behind...day 1 was day 2, day 2 was day 4, day 3 will be today (day 5), day 4 will be day 6, and day 6 will be day 7, then I should be back on track for Day 1 Week 4 on Monday since day 7 is actually rest or stretch. (fingers crossed to stay on track)

Anyway, the wife thinks the love handles have dwindled a bit and she was quite into the "new feel" of my sides during a "session" Wednesday night. I told her I didn't think or see it but she was emphatic. I just know that I continue to do the routine in the best of form possible and keep going. Hopefully, I will have the body I've never had before. I've been skinny-fit but not fit-fit. Know what I mean?

I feel better and I really like Plyometrics. Tonight will be Shoulders & Arms which is also nice (the shoulder parts anyway). I just think about what I could look like in ninety days and I get excited. Even if it's not "Master Tony ripped," it should still be better than where I was three weeks ago or even now.

I keep up the hope!

P90X - The Proof, The "Suffering" - Day 3, Week 1 to Day 3 Week 3

It’s been a while but I’m on week 3 day 3 (or day 15 total) of the P90X-perience. You liked that, huh? If you aren’t familiar, the workout is over 6 days with the option for the 7th which is either rest or Stretch X. I didn’t stretch the past two Sundays (my 7th day as I started on a Monday and go, for sure, through Saturday) because I played tennis for 4+ hours on Saturday AND Sunday so I figured that was my “Stretch X” or even a good workout.

So, let me get right to the recap of days 3-10. I don’t think I’ll type for each day as weeks 1-3 are the same set of exercises over the 6 (or 7) days.

Day 3, Shoulders and Arms
As stated previously, I don’t work out and haven’t done so in a very long time when I did. These exercises are new to my muscles therefore I think I’m wimpier during them and more sore after them. That’s not saying that I am a complete and utter pussy. I did the routine. It just was difficult and painful, especially after already being sore from days 1 and 2. I wasn’t that sore after day 1, chest and back. I got a little more sore before day 2 workout of plyometrics. Before day 3, I really didn’t know if I was going to make it. My triceps hurt badly. My biceps hurt badly. My pectorals hurt. My lower body was sore after plyometrics—I contribute this less sore to me being a regularly scheduled tennis player which already works my calves, thighs, and hamstrings although these exercises are different the muscle structure is already somewhat there. That’s my opinion anyway. That means I’m a lower-body strength person and the upper body could use some serious work.

Shoulders and arms does this. It kind of adds to the already used muscles from chest and back because there are sort of similar bends of the arms. The sitting lifts were loads of fun. Good movement for the upper shoulder and back. Master Tony says, “Everyone does 16.” That’s everyone but me. I did do 12 with 15lbs on the first round but didn’t want to overdo it as there is a repeat. The second round I was able to do 15. Form is important and I think I got it down with the second attempt. There were a few other exercises that were mothers but I’m not too motivated at this time to provide much detail. Just know, they suck, they hurt but they are also fun. My soreness was in my mind the whole time during the workout but it did not hinder me like I expected it too. I did get shaky on a few moves but I maintained.

Day 4, Yoga
Still a bit sore in the tricep/bicep area, I was looking forward to yoga as a more relaxing time. Was I ever fucking wrong! I have a new appreciation for those people that do yoga. I ignorantly assumed it was like an old-person’s exercise like maybe Tai Chi or something where it’s about stretching and movement and balance. Yoga is all these and much more. I don’t think my body was built to bend or just move in the manner Master Tony requires. There were some movements like bringing my knee up to my chest after the downward dog I was like, “WTF ever!” I think part of the difficulty was my spare tire but the other part is I just am not that flexible! Like I said, I have a lot more respect for those people that do yoga and can move/bend like it requires. I’m also thoroughly impressed with Master Tony being able to do these moves (which I’m sure there wouldn’t be a DVD for it if he couldn’t) while looking to be so muscular and physically “big.” It’s truly impressive. Maybe with time, I too will be able to bend like Master Tony.

Because of my limited flexibility, yoga was somewhat more difficult than the weight exercises. The transitions from one pose to the other are inconceivable without more flexibility. I had to modify the graceful movements of Master Tony and crew to choppy-but-I-got-there movements. Again, with time, hopefully I will be a graceful eagle soaring from one position to another.

I appreciated yoga for the extra stretching of the muscles…all muscles, mind you…to help get more of the soreness out.

Day 5, Legs and Back
Master Tony may say that Plyometrics is the mother of all P90X workouts but legs and back is no slacker! There is one move where you lean against a wall with your back straight. You start out with the thighs at a 45 degree angle for like 15 seconds or so. Then you lower to a 90 degree angle for about the same amount of time. I believe this went on for a minute maybe longer because it hurt so gosh darn much I can’t remember the time correctly but the pain and burn I will never forget.

There are some other exercise done but you can tell which one I remember. Again, I fell that I already have somewhat strong legs but this exercise was a total different way to work them.

Day 6, Kenpo X
Day 6 for me falls on a Saturday. Saturday mornings I play tennis from about 8:30am to 12pm. I hadn’t played tennis in two weeks because of all the rain we’ve had in Dallas. I was still a little sore in the upper body and my lower body was a little drained and loosy-goosy from the previous Day 5 Legs and Back. Granted the exercise movements may not be the same but I made an executive decision to pass on Kenpo X. After such a long layoff from tennis my back gets sore from my service motion and I guess overall ground strokes. My body was sore to begin with and now it was even more sore and weaker. I justified passing by saying the tennis workout was four hours versus 30mins to an hour or Kenpo.

Day 7, Rest or Stretch X
I played tennis again on Day 7 from about 8am to 2pm. It wasn’t high-intensity tennis as on Saturday but it was hot and I did get good exercise. Besides, I’m not sure I know where to find Stretch X. I don’t think it’s a DVD. If it is, it didn’t come in my package or maybe I haven’t look well enough for it. I will try again. I like a day of rest, especially after all the tennis, but I think I prefer to keep the P90X going if I’m not doing long hours of playing tennis. I also won’t skip an exercise that isn’t like Yoga, Kenpo or Stretch even if I have already played tennis. I think I like and require the other exercises for now.

Day 8, Chest and Back
I’ve repeated Day 1. It wasn’t as painful as the first time around. My muscles are still pretty tired and drained from the work out but I’m more prepared for what to do and my muscles know what to expect as well.

Day 9, Plyometrics
Once again the mother of all P90X workouts, was just that. I enjoy this one more than others. I think it’s because most if not all of the moves are easier for me as they are my lower body muscles versus the upper body ones.

Day 10, Shoulders and Arms
Shoulders and arms must be the second mother of all work outs. As with the other work outs, I feel better now that I’ve done it once. I know what to expect. I know to use better form. And my muscles have experience it once so it’s not as vicious the second time around.

Day 11, Yoga
Unfortunately, this time I had to miss yoga. I have a sick child and had to “baby” them because it could be a relapse of the flu of swine. I do what I need to do to make sure the kids feel safe in all ways and at all times. I did take a short walk. Not too long or too far because the rain interrupted it.

I think that brings me up to speed with the whole P90X-perience thus far. Hopefully all will continue to go well and I will get better at doing the exercises. I don’t expect at this time to look like Master Tony or his minions in the video. I would be happy with dropping about 30-40lbs and have better strength and stamina.

On that note, I had weighed myself about a week or so before starting P90X. I was 226 lbs. I weighed myself the morning of Day 8 and I registered at 217 lbs. Out of curiosity if I really lost any weight, I weighed again the night of Day 9 and I registered at 219 lbs. Between the night of Day 9 and the night of Day 10, I weighed a couple of more times and I seem to have stabilized at 219 lbs. Now how much this had to do with P90X or steps I had sort of taken a few days before, I’m not sure. I’m not complaining.

I will continue with the regimen. I am not completely following the nutritional requirements but I am also not eating as big as portions as I used to. I also make choices like instead of bacon cheeseburger I have a Healthy Choice steamer or instead of a barbecue bacon burger I will have a hamburger.

Next week is week 4 and it starts a new routine for the week. I’m excited but also nervous as I don’t know if I fully excelled at weeks 1-3. Although Master Tony says, “Do what you can do, just keep good form,” I feel like maybe I should have been able to complete more push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups or whatever than I have. I definitely can do more than before and they aren't quite as painful compared to when I started but it almost seems like I’m unfulfilled at this point. The workouts are intense and I feel drained but good afterward. It’s just a feeling. I guess maybe I should wait to see what week 4 has in store before I start complaining.

P90X - The Proof, The "Pain" - Day 2, Week 1

I'm a couple of days behind on this but I will maintain the updates (I hope) for anyone that cares. I just don't always have the time to post the day of, the day after, or maybe even longer. So without further adieu...

As mentioned in a previous post, I officially began the P90X program. I haven't completely immersed myself in the program in the sense that I don't buy their products they recommend to go along with the work out program. I just can never justify purchasing products without knowing 1000% that they are worth it. I just have better things on which to spend my hard-earned dough, although I may look into the recovery drink they offer. I think it'll be explained later within the following text or next post why I might (that's a BIG might) go back against my thought process for this one product.

I originally stated that I didn't feel that sore. I lied. Well, I didn't lie at that time. I'm sore as shit now and have been since about 6pm Tuesday night, before DVD #2 - Plyometrics. Not to mention that I had a slight headache all evening Tuesday before doing Plyometrics. In fact, I was very near deciding to skip Plyometrics and do it the next day (Wednesday). I wasn't going to not do it at all. I just wasn't feeling like I could fully apply myself to the process feeling badly. I contemplated all evening right up until the moment of hitting play.

Yes, I decided to go for it. Or as Master Tony would say, "BRING IT!" So I brought it, although reluctantly.

My arms were more sore than the rest of my body. My hamstrings and thighs were a little sensitive to heavy exercise but the arms, my dear, sweet, loving arms. Up to the time I started Plyometrics and after, my triceps were very sore. It's amazing how sore they got from about 12pm when I originally posted about DVD #1 - Chest & Back to about 5pm the same day. I must say that I could have dropped to the fetal position at times of movement which I used my arms.

Again, I must justify my wussiness by restating that I have never formally worked out. I've done weights in the past like curls, bench press, butterflies, should press, shoulder rolls and the like but that was when I was younger, more active, and had more time in my days/evenings. I'm trying to change my mental attitude as well as the physical. So praise my effort.

Anyway...once again, the warm up was gratifying. It got the heart pumping and the blood flowing. It loosened me up a tad and the stretching help a bit with the sore muscles...a tiny bit! The pangs I felt in the triceps were trying to tell me, "Quit you wussy!" but I persevered. Again, the stretches helped to relieve the soreness and tightness but just temporarily. Plyometrics is indeed focused on the lower body. Thank God! The biceps and triceps are saved for the evening.

I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed the Plyometrics DVD. It sounds weird to say that I enjoyed a work out but that's me. I'm a lazy mofo but I do like strenuous activity now and again. It kind of helps me prove to myself that when I can endure and last doing something so physical that I realize I'm not a complete Jabba the Hut. Anyway, it felt great to do some lower body (thighs, quads, glutes) exercises. Some of them require a little coordination, luckily I found mine, and balance. One exercise I found odd, I don't recall the name at this time, is the one where you run in a circle around a towel or shirt or whatever you have around that won't cause physical pain or damage if you step on it. I didn't find it to be a difficult move at all but at the same time I didn't find it a difficult move at all. Okay that's not entirely true. It is a little difficult to maintain this imaginary pivot and radius that Master Tony wants. You stay facing forward and you run around this object without turning your body. If you could put the DVD into extreme fast forward and loop on this exercise, you probably would sort of see an upside-down cone shape the body makes. Or it's like some giant is holding your head still in one place between his thumb and pointer and you are running in a circle without being able to turn your body. Anyhow, I've not totally mastered this move as I've done it once but at the same time Master Tony has not completely mastered it either because his line (as he likes to call it) occasionally faltered. So, I didn't feel too bad but I did at least try to maintain some semblance for what he was looking. It was cardio and it did work out different muscles in the front and back of legs but it just didn't seem as intense as the other exercises.

The one exercise I can tell you is good is the one where you stand squatty with your legs apart, toes and knees sort of pointed outward (I think). You kind of take a hike (yes, like in football) and jump in the stance to your left. You repeat but jump to the right. It may have been called Leap Frog Squats but not totally sure. I like this exercise a lot and I felt it! I still feel it a bit.

Again, my legs are usually worked on a bit during my weeks because I play tennis, rollerblade and mountain bike. These muscles are already worked to an extent unlike my arms and upper body. That's why I think my soreness in my arms is WAY more than my legs although some could make the mistake that they didn't work out as hard with the legs as arms and think they didn't get the effect of exercise. Wrong! In my opinion, of course, but I believe it works and is correct for me.

So, Day 2 was in the bag. I didn't get to bed until about 11:45pm Tuesday night. Once again, I was too tired to take a shower and no puking this time. I made sure I wiped off the sweat or it dried (gross, I know) before I laid on the bed. During the workout the headache stayed at bay. It was more like a twinge than anything else. I was surprised as I thought that the endorphins would kick in and it would go away altogether. But it didn't. When I went to bed, it was still a twinge but I knew it was going to suck ass later.

P90X - The Proof, The "Puke" - Day 1, Week 1

I started the first day, first DVD of P90X last night. I've cleared out a nice little spot in my two-car garage where I have a TV, DVD player, area rug, and weights. I do have a fan in there but I didn't turn it on as it wasn't hot in there last night but it was humid due to the current weather conditions in Dallas.

The warm up was just dandy. Just watching, it doesn't seem like the warm up does much for getting the pulse up and the blood pumping. I was totally wrong. It was actually a worthy warm up and stretch to begin the workout. A good thing too as I've never had a work out session like this. I've worked out but at home, by myself, and not an organized-type session.

Anyway, the exercises were pretty intense for someone who has never worked out and probably has never used such specific muscles on a consistent basis as these exercises tend to pinpoint. The military push-up, the diamond push-up, declines, the wide fly pull-up and the dips push-ups (I forget the real name) are all moves I haven't done in a LONG while or I've never, ever done before in my life. I think positively to myself though and say, "I'm not supposed to do a lot of these moves like the people in the video but I will!" I had to remember that I've never "worked out" before. I've never used exercises like this before. So, the more I do them, the more I believe I will be able to do them and so on. That's the plan, anyway.

I need to start the DVD earlier as I started about 10:30-11pm and it's like an hour long work out. Yeah, this isn't no "crunch an hour's work into 30 minutes" promo. They do provide timed water breaks and you can even take a quick break during occasional "I-can't-do-anymore-reps" moments. It's like they understand the normal Joe will need to take breaks and are okay with that as long as you are consistent with the reps and push yourself to almost muscle failure...the 2nd time around. You do the routine once and then you will do it again so it is very recommended to hold back a little on the first wave. Trust me on this. I didn't heed the warning and my reps on the second set were a few lower than on the first. I think that's to be expected but some of the exercises I was too low in comparison. I will be smarter next time or continue to do the same. I really don't know if it is that detrimental. Maybe I should just follow the "rules."

So, after this long explanation/description, I must say that I was thoroughly sweaty and drained from the workout. This is important because I don't sweat like a normal human being. It must be my Polynesian background or something but where someone else would have made puddles, I barely make drops. I also was sweaty because I did this in my garage, outside, which the weather was a little humid and I think made it similarly so inside the garage even though I had all the doors closed.

The funny thing is after the workout, I exited the garage to sit on a patio chair in the cool nighttime air and I started to feel like I was going to puke. I hate to puke. I hate how my mouth salivates when a puke feels like it's coming. I try to spit the excess and continue on my way but this time was rather difficult. I was already not feeling 100% before exercising. I had some really bad gas and the occasional stomach pangs like I had to drop a load but never did before working out. I think this was more of a contribution to my puke feeling than the actual working out but I'm sure the working out pushed me over the edge.

Almost like clockwork, as soon as I completed the DVD and sat down, I continually spit in hopes of avoiding a heaving. No dice. About 5 minutes, I had that heaving convulsion like it was coming. It did but not as much as I thought and just the one time although I felt like it could come again. It just never did. The puke wasn't really full of anything. It almost was like chucking congestion or drainage because it was like almost clear mucous. Yeah, gross I know but I thought about it positively and chalked it up to a damn good workout, worthy of another! Ha!

It's about midnight by the time I head into the house. I'm tired mentally, physically and was ready to hit the hay. The problem was about ten steps into the house I got this overwhelming feeling like I had to take a shit, an upset stomach, diarrheal-type shit. So, I make a beeline for the kids bathroom. I had to peel off my shorts and briefs as I'm sweaty. I make it on the seat just in time before the explosion. It was like never ending. Now I have the shit sweats and I have to take off my damp shirt and wipe my head, chest, and gut. It wasn't pleasant to say the least. After expelling all that I could, it was a two-flusher with a side of Lysol Disinfectant so my kids don't keel over when they enter their bathroom in the morning before school. Anyway, just a little more description...the poo was greenish in color which made me realize that all I had for dinner was two medium bowls of Lucky Charms (they're magically delicious, ya know!) about two hours before working out. So, the milk and the sugary sweet cereal obviously played a major role in my temporary "sickness." Note to self: don't have a bowl or two of cereal before doing a P90X routine!

After clearing my colon, I went to bed. Yes, I was sweaty but I sat in front of my fan upstairs and "dried" for about five minutes so I could go straight to bed. I didn't want a shower to take too long or rejuvenate me a little before going to sleep. I know me and once I got into a hot shower I could be in there for 10, 15, even 30 minutes easily. If I did that, bedtime would have been like 1:00am and I have to get up at 6:30am to ensure the kids are up and getting ready for school. Anyway, I hit the pillow and that's about all I can remember before hearing the alarm at 6:30am. I got up and took my shower, refreshed and somewhat sore. My muscles were not too sore really as much as they were fatigued. My arms felt like I was carrying 15-20lb weights in each hand. My body ached like when you feel the onset of the flu. I wondered if I was going to be able to do DVD #2 tonight. If it requires anything like weights or pushups or the like, I think I'll take a day break and continue tomorrow because I think my muscles are too dead for tonight.

All in all, I think it was a good session. I felt empowered, and drained, all at the same time. To me it's like my weekly Saturday tennis, I hate to get up at 7am on a Saturday to get out and play tennis until about noon but once I'm there, I'm usually glad I did.

I have to take the traditional "before" pictures so I can look back and compare (if I maintain the discipline to do the full 90 days) to the after pictures. I envision the hidden hotness, healthiness, that has been under my spare tire since getting married -- spare was more like a donut back then, now it's closer to full-size but I can still see my feet, er, toes. :-P

UPDATE: Tonight's DVD is Plyometrics. What the hell is that? A quick Google search and it seems it's just like jumping, hopping and lunging type exercises to improve stamina and the height of jumps. Good. No weights or upper body stuff. That P90X guy is a smart guy...for now.

Stupid people at work

I really don't care what my coworkers do or don't do for their jobs during their day. If you want to slack off, do so, just don't let it affect me. When you say, "I'm too busy" and the boss comes to ask me to help, that's fine. The problem is when I come to your office with a question about YOUR job duty that I'm BAILING you out on and I see you surfing FaceBook or uploading your personal photos to your Gmail photos.

Furthermore, how dumb are you (same girl in the office) to send this long email this morning to your boss explaining the chest pains you have are like someone punching you in the chest and how it's affected you being able to sleep since like 1am this morning, yada, yada, yada...but then take the time and effort to post a status on your FaceBook profile? Normally, this isn't a big deal but when your boss just happens to be one of your friends on FB, I think it's DUMB. Strictly for the fact that as a person of above average intelligence, I would wonder to myself (if I were your boss) why you can take the time to log in to FB and post a status but you are unable to come to work or if you are SO in pain, how is it that you can function enough to update your FB status? Again, it's not that big a deal if you happen to have a FB application on your phone but I know this girl has an older flip phone that I'm pretty sure doesn't have a FB app. In the business world, this just looks bad for the employee from the bosses perspective.

As a coworker, once again it pisses me off because you emailed me to do some of your work when you finally decided that it was time to go to the ER or whatever! You shouldn't wait until the last moment to complete your work when you could have done it the day before because I saw you slacking then.

UPDATE: I went to lunch since the end of that last line so I lost my original line of thought...if it was a line at all. So, I'm done because I've moved on, for now.

Physical therapists are funny

The wife had knee surgery Wednesday. The physical therapist gives a "how-to" on using crutches with stairs. She used the analogy "Good girls go to Heaven and bad girls go down."

The wife shoots me a "keep-your-trap-shut" stare because she knows me so well and my dirty mind had to be kept in check because I was thinking those bad girls are really good girls. ;-P

For those that really care, the analogy refers to starting with your good leg to ascend the stairs but then start with the bad leg (and crutch for support) to descend the stairs.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!

My funny phrase of the day

I didn't actually say it but my coworker did.

My gutter mind immediately heard and thought of one thing. You see what you hear.

Said coworker stands in the doorway to her office and says out loud and fairly rapidly, "Chism! Chism! Chism! I need to see Chism. Who has Chism?"

I'm walking down the hall and if I were drinking a beverage, I would have spewed it through my nostrils.

So, what came to your mind when you read and said, "Chism" in your head three times consecutively?

Yeah, that's what I thought!

---

Goodbye and Good Riddance!

---

Pets are like having extra kids

This is my bill from a vet visit four days before Christmas. I was getting the vehicle an oil change and an inspection when the wife called to tell me the dog still looks like she's not doing well. Earlier around 5-6am in the morning, the dog had puked in her cage...twice. She didn't feel like eating and she seemed very lethargic. Hell, by the size of her pukes, I would feel lethargic and not eat!

Anyway, the wife never had a dog before but has had children so you would think she wouldn't freak the hell out at a simple puking. You don't know my wife! So, while I'm waiting and waiting for the vehicle work to be completed so I can go play tennis (this IS a Saturday), the wife keeps calling me to give me a 5-min by 5-min status. It's really freaking annoying! Anyway, she gets the kids so worried as well that now I have to take her to the vet so soothe the kids -- and the g-ddam wife! There goes my damn tennis day...it was a pretty day too!

So, no insurance on pets and three hours later, this is my final tally for them to tell me the dog is fucking A-Ok. All her numbers came back just fine. They gave me anti-nausea pills to give to her before feeding her the iD dog food...a basic, bland food. They also gave her a shot of some solution that's like IV for humans. They put like a liquid bubble under her skin, between her shoulder blades that slowly dissolves into her system, making her feel better

Two days later the dog is running the hell around feeling just hunky dorry! I'm glad I got to spend so much time and money with her two days before.

Plunging the toilet

This is what I spent doing from about 9:30 p.m. Saturday until about 3 a.m. Sunday. I think when my nephew took a shit before he and I left around 7 p.m. to go eat at North Main BBQ he used too damn much toilet paper. I don't understand why people think the more toilet paper they wrap around their hand the better it is to wipe their ass but that's the only thing I can assume that caused it. Especially since he was in the can for a good thirty minutes.

The bad thing about my plumbing, which I'm sure it is with most house plumbing, is usually when my toilet gets stopped up the bathtub gets stopped up as well. Also, if I flush the toilet it will drain up through the piping of the bathtub and into the bathtub. What's fun about that is sometimes you get some nice toilet paper residue, ass shrapnel or anything that may have been washed down the kitchen sink drain after being chewed up in the garbage disposal.

So, the above pictures are (1)the toilet with plunger after one of my many plunger sessions and (2)the bathtub after one of the backups into it. Oh, and to answer the burning question...yes, I did get it unclogged. Well, I didn't. I called the emergency repair number for our rental real estate service and they sent out a plumber around 3 p.m. or so today. He had to get his "machine" and stick it through the - oh, I forget the term he used but anyway - "pipe" and rootered it. I saw a bunch of roots of the thin, stringy variety. At first I thought they were my wife and kid's hair from using the shower but after closer inspection, it really was thin, stringy roots.

So, that's the fun I had this weekend. Oh yeah, beside my kids getting the flu. All was good.

Clay Aiken

I'm home with both children sick. I didn't HAVE to take off from work but it seemed like a good day and a good excuse.

Anyway, I can't believe I'm about to post something on Clay Aiken. I think I'm getting my children's sickness!

I was checking my home email. I'm on this listserv for Wal-Mart.com. The sent something about 97-cent titles. I was thinking it was DVD titles but I was wrong. They were advertising/promoting Clay Aiken's new CD in Wal-Mart stores now!

Check out this link and be disturbed with me. Clay looks a lot different than his American Idol days but the destruction he has done to songs that should NEVER be remade by someone at such a low, low caliber is inexcusable. The worst is "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" sung by Bryan Adams and now junked by Clay Aiken. No one, I mean, NO ONE can do this song after Bryan Adams. It's like sacrilegious. He also ruins Elton John's "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word" and Dolly Parton's "Here You Come Again."

I can't believe someone signed off on allowing him to butcher these songs.

The nerve of some businesses

I guess it's more about the profit than having a long-term employee. Pisses me off! And we wonder why postal workers were brandishing Uzis at work in the 1980s. Bombs should be dropped on this business' offices. Assholes like this just grate my nerves! Click on quote to go to full story.

WINDBER, Pa. -- A company that fired a 13-year employee as his wife lay dying of brain cancer has offered the Pennsylvania man his job back..

You heard it here first

The finger twitch started early this morning while I was driving.

I haven't noticed the brow twitch for a few days now. Maybe it's making it's way through the right side of my body and then it'll leave - OR - it'll jump to the left side and leave.

So, if it is Parkinson's you heard it hear first!

I'm getting old...and Parkinson's

I think I'm seeing the first sign(s) of having Parkinson's.

Isn't that what Michael J. Fox has?

Anyway, my brow above my right eye has been occasionally twitching the past week or two. My wife says it's just from being tired and exhausted. Which could be quite true since I haven't rested well since we moved into Shawn's for the month. A few days after we moved in is about when it started.

Now, today I've got this finger twitch with the pointer finger of my right hand. I can hold my hand out and it will twitch like I'm tapping something with just that finger. This very well could be from the bad posture and environment that I type in while I'm at work. I'm sure I'm not ergonomically correct at my desk.

This is all I need. Here I thought I'd die by 68 years old from a heart attack or high blood pressure but to lose control of my muscles, twitching uncontrollably and then going crazy was not something I wanted to go through. Well, neither is a heart attack or anything else but you get my meaning.

Hopefully, once we move into our own place and we aren't sharing one room for four people, the eye twitch will stop. Then I can see what is causing this finger twitch but it's been just going on today. I think.

Sucks getting old!

Star Wars Episode I

I had to take today off from work because my oldest is home sick from school and my wife has to teach. That also means that I missed my fourth day of my economics class as well. I couldn’t very well skip work but go to class. Well, I could but I didn’t want to and would feel uneasy about it – probably uneasy for a short bit but uneasy nonetheless. My child wanted me to watch the Star Wars movies with her. We started off with Episode I. While watching it, I once again realized how much the Jedi and Force in the movies is actually different than what I expect it to be – what it should be! Yes, I am a Star Wars geek!

The main part that bugs me is when Darth Maul is battling Qui Gon and Obi Wan on Naboo. You’ve got a Jedi Master and his “well-trained” apprentice against a Sith apprentice. I agree that Darth Maul was very good and well-trained but he still should have lost much quicker than he did. Also, when they are running on the catwalk towards the red beams that crossed the walkway, Obi Wan is running to assist Qui Gon. The beams close and Obi Wan is about eight beams away from Qui Gon who is one beam away from Darth Maul. The beams shut down and Obi Wan gets through all the beams except for the last one so he has to wait and watch while Qui Gon battles alone. So my first gripe is why didn’t Obi Wan use the Force run to get through the beams like they did when they were on the Trade Federation’s ship running from the destroyer droids. My second gripe is how Darth Maul hits Qui Gon in the face and then guts him. What kind of lame ass move was that to die from?! My third gripe is right before Qui Gon gets gutted they flash to Obi Wan and he gets a look on his face like he knew what was about to happen. Did Qui Gon not get this same feeling in the Force, especially since he was the Master?

Well, I’m onto Episode II and I’m sure I’ll have more gripes that no one “normal” will give a crap about! I’ve seen these movies at least a dozen times already but it still bothers me each time I see the “crap”. I know he had a prequel story to tell but George Lucas should have done a little better with the script.

Man how time flies

Today just breezed on by.

I woke about 10:30 a.m. this morning after a late night. I didn't feel fully rested and refreshed but I pressed on to get my butt out of bed.

I cleaned my room a little more. Took out some trash. Changed out the dryer power cord and hooked it up. Backed up a few of my personal DVDs - this has actually taken me a few days and nights because it's a lengthy process if you use the free tools out there instead of the all-in-one purchase products which combine the free tools into a nice package for you.

Anyway, before I knew it 4 p.m. had rolled around and then 6 p.m. and so on. Shit how time flies when you are busy doing something useful or not. My wife would say that I'm not doing something useful but my computers are being used by me so to me it is somewhat useful. OK, no more rambling...

I told my wife she had until 7pm for us to watch "Miss Congeniality" or I was going to watch it without her. She said she could watch it now (it was around 6:30 p.m.) but I told her I wasn't finished with what I was doing. I only gave it until 7 p.m. because I didn't want to be up late because I had work the next day. Since I haven't had good sleep or gone to bed at a decent hour, I didn't want to cause myself to stay up late again. Obviously by the time on this post, it didn't happen. Anyway, we started the movie about 7:10 p.m. and finished shortly after 10pm. Mainly because of the following:

Around 8ish and roughly just after starting the movie, my wife and kids baked me some quick bake brownies, put a Crayola-styled candle in it and sung me a wonderful rendition of "Happy Birthday." It went something like this...

Happy birthday to you (cha cha cha)
Happy birthday to you (cha cha cha)
Happy birthday dear Dad - dy (cha cha cha)
Happy birthday to you (cha cha cha)

All with butt shaking moves! Ha ha!

We started watching the movie again when we had some incident with the kids not getting along because one wants to play with the other but the other wants to play alone for some reason. It never ends. I think this problem occurred a few times today. It's usually because the oldest one wants to control the concept/dialog/plot of the playing and the youngest wants to add her own edits but the oldest wants it her way...and it goes on and on and on until someone's feelings get hurt and then there is screaming or crying and then mommy and daddy have to step in and set things straight.

So, after multiple interruptions, the movie concluded. It was actually a pretty decent movie. Funny and entertaining. Definitely worth renting on the Blockbuster movie pass!

Well, I'm tired and I've got to get up early for work tomorrow. It's another Monday on the start of the second half of my life.

Meaning: I have told my wife that I don't believe my life will be longer than sixty-eight years. Of course, I could croak earlier but I'm sure my max is sixty-eight. Why you ask? Because my dad passed away at 68 two years later my mom passed away at 68. A couple of my dad's brothers croaked at 68 although one is 72ish but had a stroke at 68 and basically drools out of one side of his mouth. He's been in the hospital a few more times since so he's just biding his time. One brother of my dad is a "healthy" 70+ but 1 out of 5 brothers isn't good odds. My mother had a brother and sister die before they were 68 and her father died around 70.

The only thing in my favor is that I am more athletic and "healthy" than they all were. I exercise with tennis or roller hockey at least twice a week for 1-5 hours each. I could do more but I am a working father with two kids and it's tough to find time that fits my schedule, my wife's schedule and my kids' schedule. Hopefully, I'll find some peaceful medium and I can write that out as an excuse. I watch what I eat and exercise as often as I can (sort of) but nothing seems to help. It must be the genetic make up from my mom's side - she was Polynesian. Have you ever really seen a skinny Polynesian? The odds are like winning the Texas lottery. I'm destined to be pudgy! ;-)

Maybe I need TrimSpa, Baby! LOL!

Anyway, so the next thirty four years I had better make even more rocking than the first thirty four. I'm sure with the wonderful wife and kids I have it will be no problem!