Email humor 08/29/2007

Jet skis aren't for everyone...

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OBSESSED MOMS

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children...

"You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

Scent of a Woman

I was just channel surfing and came across the movie Scent of a Woman. I haven't seen it in a while, since 1992, in fact.

The part I saw that was a point of interest is near the end when they are in the "court" for the school.

I knew Chris O'Donnell, Al Pacino and that hottie, Gabrielle Anwar, were in the movie but I saw a young-looking Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Now granted it's been 15 years but damn, he's old now!

Email humor 08/24/2007

I did what you told me...
I sent the email to 10 people like you said...
I'm still waiting for that miracle to happen...

Ass dandruff

A new term -- maybe I just coined it.

Ass dandruff

The flakes of skin and hair that someone (usually male) leaves on the toilet after taking a dump, going number 2, emptying the poop shoot, cleaning the colon...you get the idea.

Your president can whoop our president's ass

I was perusing today's "Day in Picures" on the BBC and saw the picture below.


Did you guess who it was? If not, it's Vladimir Putin. The current president of the Russian Federation. He's pretty built for a 55-yr-old president. He could give Ahr-nold a run for his money...probably better.

So, I think the phrase, "Your president can whoop our president's ass," is now validated!

What happened to discipline by yard sticks

From DallasNews.com,

BANQUETE, Texas – Arrest warrants have been issued for two officials at a Christian boot camp accused of dragging a 15-year-old girl behind a van after she fell behind the group during a morning run, authorities said.

Charles Eugene Flowers and Stephanie Bassitt of San Antonio-based Love Demonstrated Ministries, a 32-day boot camp, are facing aggravated assault charges for the alleged June 12 incident.

And people of the old days were scared of a switch or yard stick.

Blow off day at work

Well, today was a major blow off day. The boss lady and boss boss lady left the office around 11 a.m. to head to a working "retreat" and won't be back until some time tomorrow afternoon.

So, I being the slacker I am took it upon myself to take an extended lunch. How extended wasn't really planned but it turned out to be the rest of the day.

I went to lunch around 11:45 a.m. and was fully prepared to head back to work by 2 or 3 p.m. Plans (or preparations) change.

I was on the way out and the neighbors across the street were having an internet issue with a laptop and their wi-fi. I originally planned to help them after I got off work around 5-5:30 p.m. but I figured it shouldn't be a big deal to stop by on the way and get their problem solved. It's good bragging rights too.

Well, as repeatedly mentioned, it took me more than just a few minutes or an hour. I was on the way out around 2 p.m. and it took me until about 4:48 p.m.

I said, "to Hell with work" because I wasn't going to make a show for 12 freaking minutes.

So there ya go, another day in the boring life of a techie guy.

Summer school

Well, summer school is over. It's actually been over for about a week. I pulled an A- in ITOM and a B+ in PHIL (Business Ethics).

I'm well on my way to completing that very elusive (for me anyway) undergraduate degree. After the summer term, I have 56 hours left to complete. Some of those are my business major of Information Systems (IS) and the bulk is what I call 'shit-on-me' classes but the university calls electives or a minor. Why the hell would I want a minor??!! It's been hell enough getting the major. I don't want a minor so don't require me to take those courses. In fact, give me life learning/experiences credit for the years of pain and suffering of having to work, play, school and family!!!

The university registrar isn't going for it. Bitches and whores!

Oh well!

So, the fall semester begins in 15 days. August 23^rd is my first class at 8 a.m. in the morning. Who the fuck takes a class at 8 a.m. in the morning? Dumb ass fucks like myself who wait until the last moment to register for a class I need. That's who! I usually take six hours a term but this fall I have to take just three as I wanted to take an easy class on Monday nights but my wife will be teaching. This shows how she continues to screw me (and not in the good way) no matter what. So, I made an executive decision to just take my accounting II class...at 8 a.m. in the morning. Good times!

Email humor 08/08/2007

Not actually email humor but saw this somewhere on the world wide web and thought it was funny.

Email humor 08/07/2007

By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND TENJOOBERRYMUDS...

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term, "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in with the growing trend!!!

Now, here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: " Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

G: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: ".....What??"

RS: "Ow July den?!?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry...scrambled, please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I...don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "Oh, English muffin!!!&nb sp; I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad?!?"

G: "I mean butter...just put the butter on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please...and that's everything."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy...rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjooberrymuds."

G: "You're welcome."

Email humor 08/02/2007

Thought for the day...

Friends...

Friends are like butt cheeks.
Crap might separate them,
But they always come back together.

Star Wars Exhibit

The family and I went to the Star Wars exhibit at the Fort Worth Museum of Science and Natural History. It was pretty cool although I think it could have been a lot better since it is STAR WARS. I think what made it worth it though was that it WAS Star Wars.

Here are a few pics: