Email humor 10/31/2008

COLORED FOLKS

This was written by a black guy in Texas.... so funny..... what a great sense of humor and creativity!!!!!!!!!!

When I born, I black, when I grow up, I black, when I go in the sun, I black, when I cold, I black, when I scared, I black, when I sick, I black, and when I die, I still black.

You white folks.....when you born, you pink, when you grow up, you white, when you go in the sun, you red, when you cold, you blue, when you scared, you yellow, when you sick, you green, when you bruised, you purple, and when you die, you gray.

So who you calling colored folks?

Last day to drop

Well, the day that I take a look at where I stand grade-wise and make a very important decision: go forward and persevere or quit while I'm ahead (more like, not failing yet).

It is called the "Last day to drop with a 'W'". And it is on Wednesday, November 5^th.

I just took two tests for each of the two classes I'm enrolled. One on Tuesday and the other Wednesday.

The Tuesday test was for a class that I believe I am currently passing. I say this for the mere fact that the first exam I think I got in the neighborhood of a 75. I'm not sure because he does a point system. The points for exam one were 136. I think I got 100 which would be about a 74 but I think I got some extra credit added on top of that. I'm not for sure as I haven't been able or keep forgetting to swing by the prof's office and get my test. This second exam I think I got about an 80 but not for sure yet again. I will have to wait until next Tuesday. This class isn't the questionable one because we have two grades only, so far, and a project we are working on then one more exam.

The concern is the Wednesday one. I got a 61 on exam one. I have done well on in-class quizzes and an extra-credit plus attendance and class participation has been good. The prof rates the two highest exams as fifty percent of the overall grade and the lowest as twenty percent with quizzes and such making the extra thirty percent. So, depending on how I did on this exam will decide if I will hit the final day t drop with a 'W' or not.

Before I took the exam, I was way worried. After I took the exam, felt I did well unlike when I took exam one and didn't even answer a 15-pt question which started me out at an 85 right off the bat!

As mentioned, I'll have to see how it goes when I get my grade.

(fingers crossed)


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Email humor 10/30/2008

'Twas the night before elections'

'Twas the night before elections
And all through the town
Tempers were flaring
Emotions all up and down!

I, in my bathrobe
With a cat in my lap
Had cut off the TV
Tired of political crap.

When all of a sudden
There arose such a noise
I peered out of my window
Saw Obama and his boys

They had come for my wallet
They wanted my pay
To give to the others
Who had not worked a day!

He snatched up my money
And quick as a wink
Jumped back on his bandwagon
As I gagged from the stink

He then rallied his henchmen
Who were pulling his cart
I could tell they were out
To tear my country apart!

" On Fannie, on Freddie,
On Biden and Ayers!
On Acorn, On Pelosi"
He screamed at the pairs!

They took off for his cause
And as he flew out of sight
I heard him laugh at the nation
Who wouldn't stand up and fight!

So I leave you to think
On this one final note-
IF YOU DONT WANT SOCIALISM
GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!

Technical Newsletters

I'm kind of a computer geek. I'm not one of those like serious nerds but I do like me some electronics and I occasionally like to work/toy with them to figure out how they work or how I can screw them up and make them work. It's not so prominent in my day-to-day life now that I'm older with a family and kids because they come first and then there are about a dozen other things and then there is "Jay time."

Anyway before I get to off topic. I have signed up with many online technical journals/webizines/etc. that I either receive their newsletters via email or on Google Reader.

A particular email newsletter that I joined within the past year or so but no more than two is called Ask Leo!. It's pretty informative, to an extent, but only if you click on a link within the email to "read the rest of the story" which opens your default browser back to the Ask Leo! web site where you can read the question and answer article.

I don't like to have to do that. It's a real pain in the ass and I usually don't click the link unless it's a topic in which I am REALLY interested. I prefer to read the question and see the answer in the newsletter. In my opinion, that's the whole point of signing up for the newsletter...so I don't have to visit the web site.

Kind of like WinXP News. There is also a Vista version but I have XP. Most of the questions are answered within the email newsletter. There are links to deeper discussions on certain topics like "Is big brother watching you?" or "Are you going to upgrade to Windows Vista or wait for Windows 7?" but the quick how-to/help questions are posted and answered within the email newsletter.

Anyway, I was going to rant a bit more about it but I actually started this post a couple of days ago and lost my train of thought.

Scented, Ribbed, Extreme Sensation or Super-studded

So, we were on our way back from a trip to Frederick, Oklahoma when I had to stop to get gas at a local, 'country' gas stop. I got gas and had to take a piss. In the men's room, this is what I see:

 

The best part of the "Super-Studded" is the added description of "With dozens of formed rubber studs! $1 off!" So, the rubber studs adds awesome tingling sensations and the $1 off means that normally ONE condom costs $1.75?

I thought this was funny strictly for the fact that there aren't many, if any, gas stations in the Dallas-area metroplex that still have condoms for sale from vending machines in the men's room. It's almost like the truck-er stops think that they are going to get laid every time they make a pit stop.

Now, isn't that a little presumptuous?

Oh well...

Email humor 10/16/2008

Best-selling Halloween costume...

Retired Hooter's girl

More awesome ads by True dating services

I believe I've typed about this before. This is a new ad. Instead of a static picture, it's more of a short video of this very sexy girl "chatting" on her computer. I don't know what it says because I was watching Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull while working on my computer.

Anyway, as mentioned previously in other entries, if everyone was guaranteed this hotness (men, obviously for this particular ad) I would think this company would be raking in the money.

Oh well, end of late-night random thought.

Email humor 10/14/2008

Chinese Medicine

While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: 'I've got bad news for you ---you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.'

The man looks a little perplexed and says: 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.' The doctor answers: 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure.

We're going to have to amputate your penis.' The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.'

The doctor replies: 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice.'

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: 'Ah, yes,....... Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease.' The guy says to the doctor: 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!'

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: 'Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to opelate!'

Oh, Thank God!' the man replies.

'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor, 'You no worry! Wait two weeks. Faw off by itself.

Stupid drivers

I think you should have to pass an IQ test at a certain level to legally drive a vehicle.

What happens is you get stupid people driving; They do stupid things; Then add talking on a cellphone and we've got accidents that are completely avoidable.

Take for instance just a few minutes ago. I was on my way somewhere when I came to a four-way traffic light that did not have a protected left turn and some mo-fo is just sitting at the light, holding up traffic while the light is green, talking on the freaking cell phone!

I mean come on, really. Just put the barrel of the gun in the mouth and pull the trigger. If you are stupid today, you'll be stupid tomorrow. Save us all the trouble!

Email humor 10/08/2008

MISSING HUSBAND

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him 'Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!'

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday.

Please pray for him

The men's room and a newspaper

Do you bring a newspaper with you to the men's room at work? The bathroom at home?

Is it a necessary distraction while pooping or an assistant like "go-lightly?"

I ask as I sit here in stall number one typing on my Blackberry because on the floor I see today's Quick and some business journal.

I'm tempted to pick up the Quick from but the "germ-genies" appear on my shoulders telling me "don't pick it up" or "pick it up."

I don't see any real problem with picking it up because it's not like I'm not going to wash my hands after I'm done going #2.

My wife on the other hand would be freakin' the shit out!

I refrain from picking it up but wonder how many others may or may not. Okay, I really don't wonder for long but it did flash across my mind.

If and when I bring a paper with me to a stall, I usually slip it between the shutter-like slats of the door to keep it off the germy floor in case the next occupant needs reading material. I'm just thoughtful like that. And I don't like to litter the restroom - yes, leaving your previously viewed newspaper on the floor of the restroom stalls is littering, to me.

Anyway, this was just another random thought that popped into my head while I was going #2. It happens a lot when I am on my "throne" because it's too much time for me NOT to think.

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Iron Man (2008)

Iron Man (2008). Because of all the hoopla, I anxiously awaited to come to DVD.

I must say that it WAS a very good movie. It was well worth my free rental from Blockbuster.

Now that the accolades are complete, let's get to what wasn't acceptable with the movie. It's a short list as I don't like to dwell and it'll take too long to type from the Blackberry.

So, Stark built, tested and retested the suit along with attempts at proper flight. Jeff Bridges' character, I forget his name, jumped right in the "mammoth" suit and was able to maneuver and fly without any practice or first-attempt control mistakes.

Stark was kept alive in a 3rd world country, in a cave by a car battery and then some miniature arc reactor he built. Once he got stateside and way newer technology was available, why didn't they (Stark and/or American scientists/doctors) fix the, in my opinion, easily correctable problem with the shrapnel is his bloodstream?

I guess I should just stop there as some my think I obsessed over the too minor details in what is just a movie.

It's just sometimes these directors should be more consistent throughout a movie.

Oh well, rant put on permanent hold!


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Blogging from a Blackberry

If I could thumb-peck faster on my Blackberry, I could blog from it almost all of the time.

Random thoughts here. Random thoughts there.

It could be fun or not so much.


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Well, I got my ITOM exam 1 grade

And it was a big whopping 61! That's right folks, I am officially a D- student at this time and in this particular class.

Luckily she will way the lowest test grade as 10% of the grade and the two highest as 80% (the other 10% is quizzes, class participation and such). The tough thing is that I MUST do better, way better, on the next two tests to ensure a better overall class grade. I'm not shooting for the stars so a B- or above is fine for me.

Today, I have my first MNO-Management test. 68 multiple questions at 2 points each. Maybe the multi-choice will up my chances of a better grade since I'll have a limit of four options.

We'll see.

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