Man eater

The music I am hearing right now.

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Now playing: Hall & Oates - Man Eater
via FoxyTunes

I remember taping this song off the radio on my boom box back in like junior high, I think. My boombox had the auto-dub button to apply silence in between songs. It was rockin'...at the time anyway. After recording this song, I remember hitting the play, pause, rewind and forward buttons to try to figure out the lyrics so I could write them down on a piece of paper. Back and forth, over and over, trying to get the correct lyrics.

If I remember correctly, I did a pretty good job. I could sing this song from memory and I was cool. For no other reason did I need the lyrics than for my own self to be able to sing along.

Yes, I was (am) a dork!

Happy Mother's Day!

This is a few days late. Who cares, sue me!

So, it was Mother's Day Sunday. The wife and kids went to her sisters in Keller. They were going to hang out and play. Their mother was going to stop on her way back from her mother's in Fort Worth. I opted not to go. It's not very fun for me and I saw it as an opportunity to play another few hours of tennis against my loser TCC mates.

I got to the courts a little later than I wanted. I hit around for about an hour and played only two actual "competition" sets. I wanted to get out earlier but I kept contemplating whether or not I really wanted to go. When I finally decided that I should, it was like 10:30am by the time I got there. Part of the reason I finally decided to go was that I started thinking about going to North Main BBQ afterwards. Ummmmm, it's been a while since I'd been and what better time to go than when I am not expected back home by the wife after tennis by a certain time.

Anyway, I was at the courts about on my way to North Main BBQ when I saw Lynn about to start practicing her serve. Sidenote: I don't know Lynn's last name even though I've "known" her for give or take about five years.

I was just shooting the shit with her while she was serving when I asked her, "So, what are you doing for Mother's Day?" She replied, "I'm going to go to my mother's later for a little bit." I said, "Oh, that's cool that your mother's in the area."

She said, "Yeah. So, is your mother in the area?" I said, "Yeah, she's right basically around the corner from here." She said, "Well, that's good that your mother is close too. Are you going to see her?" I said, "Nah, I don't think so. I haven't been there in a few years."

She said, "Why?" I said, "I don't much like cemeteries."

She was like, "Jay! I'm so sorry [laughs with the nervous chuckle of someone who feels embarrassed like they stuck their foot in their mouth]." I said, "Don't worry about it. I've been okay with my mom being gone for some time. It's not a big deal."

She said, "So you don't go to the cemetery to see your mother's grave?" I said, "Nope. I don't feel like I need to. My mom isn't there. She's all around me, in my mind, in my kids, she's everywhere. The grave is just where her body was placed. I don't need to go there to talk to her or visit her."

After this, we started talking about something else...her dating issues, I think.

But anyway, I thought that was a funny trick I played on her. I told her that if she was sly and cunning like me she would have gone about asking about my mother a different way like I did.

See, I asked her, "What are you doing for Mother's Day?" And she replied, "I'm going to go to my mother's..." That right there told me that her mother was still alive. Smart, huh? Besides, I've known Lynn since and before my mom passed away. She should have known or remembered that she passed away. I don't hold it against her though because I forget shit, even important shit, all the time.

I just thought it was fun to mess with her.

Email humor 05/13/2008

A young woman called her mother, "I'm divorcing Sam! All he wants is anal sex!! My butthole is now the size of a 50-cent piece when it used to be the size of a nickel!"

Her Mother said, "You're married to a multi-millionaire, you live in an 8-bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get $5,000 a week allowance, you take 8 vacations a year, and you want to throw all that away for 45 cents?!?!"

There are pervs all around us

From the BBC...

A man who allegedly photographed more than 3,000 women's bottoms as they toured Venice has been arrested.

Unfortunately, this guy took my idea before I was able to make it to Venice...because that's where I was really planning to attempt something like this...because there is no way someone could get caught in such a big, busy place...or I originally thought. Now, I must return to the old drawing board to come up with new plans at voyeurism. Dammit!

Here's the link to the story as long as it lasts.

In the news 05/12/2008

Does she really have to wonder WHY this dress isn't acceptable at senior prom?

I think I saw this on Christina Aguilera or something very close to it in some photo shot or album cover.

On one hand, I think the school could reimburse her for the purchase of prom tickets since she didn't actually get to attend but on the other hand, she should have been aware this was unacceptable attire and if she wasn't, she should have asked someone in the school's administration.

Oh well, here is the link to the story (video) as long as it's active.

In the news 05/08/2008

Duncanville Takes Aim At Swingers Club Again
Reporting Jay Gormley
DALLAS (CBS 11 News) ― The City of Duncanville has reworked an ordinance aimed at shutting down a swingers club.

The Cherry Pit has been throwing adult-oriented parties inside a private house. The city maintains that the Cherry Pit is a Sex Club, which violates city law.

But the owner of the Cherry Pit claims it's not a business because the house only accepts voluntary donations.

The new ordinance addresses the issue of donations by stating that if donations are solicited, accepted or paid, even if the donations are voluntary, the Cherry Pit can be considered a sex club and can be shut down.

The new ordinance does provide a victory for the swingers club. It now states that the Cherry Pit is entitled to a hearing if the city inspector attempts to shut down the house.

Click here to see article as long as it lives.

Isn't it against some law for the "government" to change a law to affect one particular business? I mean, I could understand if there were three maybe four or more of these private sex clubs but ONE? C'mon. Damn, straight and narrow Duncanvillites.

I can totally understand the issue with the parking or traffic issues from the parking but that's easily fixed. The Cherry Pit should bus their "guests" to their house from some other parking location. Sure, it's more money out the door and cuts into their overall profit but in hindsight don't they think it would have kept them from being "found out?" Stupid people NEVER think about what's ahead or what could be.

What really is the difference between this "party" and a Tupperware Party, a Mary Kay party, a jewelry party, a sex toy party or a graduation party? Frequency? Content?

I really think that the community would have been better off handling this discreetly by asking the "Pit" people to be courteous and solve the cluster fuck of cars parked in the street. But now, as long as the "Pit" is still operational, the community children walk, drive or ride a bicycle past the house and think, "That's where the sex goes on." I know I did it when I was a kid about certain questionable houses in the neighborhood. Hell, I think I even may have made up some of the rumors. Haha!

The only reason they should shut The Cherry Pit down is if they find out that the runners/owners of the property join in the "fun." I mean really, have you seen that beastly woman and that old guy. Ew!

Oh well, I've lost my super train of retarded thought since I'm typing this at work and getting distracted. All this shit I type sounds so good in my head. I think there is a disconnect between my brain, my hands and my keyboard!

I'm out!

Harrison Ford is a big ass

I'm watching some of my TiVoed shows and just saw a trailer for the new Indiana Jones movie.

It looks EXACTLY like all the other ones!

So, this dumb bastard whose ONLY respectable role was playing Han Solo (Okay, not really and yes, I'm a Force geek!) said he wouldn't consider doing another Star Wars flick when asked back around the making of Episode I.

That's really a stupid statement since Star Wars 4-6 is what put him on the acting map! IMHO, anyway.

So, go ahead Harrison Ford (well you already did) make another Indiana Jones movie that looks just like all the others. Instead of battling the Nazis or the Thuggees, he's now taking on the Russians. Are there no American archaeologists that dare jack with Dr. Jones?

Sheesh!

In the news 05/07/2008

TWIN FALLS, Idaho - A high school student says he may file a lawsuit against a physical education teacher who took a Mexican flag he had brought for Cinco de Mayo and put it in the garbage.

Another Mexican bitching about the way he's treated. I'm no lawyer but I don't think he's got a case. Leave it to the stupid ACLU to fill the minds of the clueless with thinking they can sue for someone allegedly throwing a flag in the garbage.

It's funny too that the story says this kid "and others brought Mexican flags to the south-central Idaho school to celebrate Cinco de Mayo," but I don't see that any of the other kids had any problems. What's up with that? It's another case of 'He said, Ese said."

Link to story here as long as it's active.

What music am I listening to?

My theme song (at least the one I tell my wife is mine) was playing on my computer (I mainly use Media Monkey) and I had to use the FoxyTunes signature thingy to show what it was in this post. I've never used it before and probably will never use it again but it was imperative at this time to share the current song of the day...for me anyways. Especially since I'm listening to it at work. Anyone offended in the office? Who cares because "I'm horny. Horny. Horny. Horny." Not literally, it's the song man, the song!

Now playing: Mousse T Vs Dandy Warhols - Horny As A Dandy
via FoxyTunes

YouTube video here.

Way to go STARS!

After 3 1/2 overtimes, someone finally puts me out of my misery. Luckily it was a Star that did it to win the series! There were many "Wohs," "Ohs," and "Almosts" that made it a game not to miss if you were already watching it from the beginning, middle or even near the end of regulation. It truly could have gone either way, especially that one shot from Marleau of the Sharks on a basically open net but somehow Turco got the right leg kicked up to block it.

I believe Brad Richards actually ended it with his shot in OT1. The goal-watchers in Toronto and upstairs in the booth reviewed it and said it was a no-goal but I think it crossed the line completely. They ran the tape of it many times while the review was underway and if you watch it, you'll see that the overhead net camera is not perfectly or directly over the goal line. It in fact is a little behind it because when it looks down upon the crossbar of the net the goal line can be seen. If it was lined up properly, the crossbar and goal line would essentially be the same "line." So, after the constant viewings of the shot from the overhead cam, the puck looks like at least half if not three-quarters of it crosses the goal line...as seen from the incorrect angle. I think if the camera or another camera for that matter had the proper positioning, the puck would have been shown as cross the entire goal line; hence, a goal, an OT goal, a quick win for the Stars instead of having to wait an hour later.

Yes, that's a bit overanalyzing if not a little dorky but did YOU stay up to watch the entire game until about 1:30 a.m. and have to be up at 7 a.m? I think my overanalysis is deserved and should be warranted by the governing body of the NHL. If those morons properly thought out camera placements, Game 6 would have been in the books way earlier.

Anyway, below is a shot of Morrow and Modano celebrating Morrow's game-winning goal. I thought it was a good shot and you can see more photos in a slide show here (as long as the link lasts).


Credit given to DallasNews.com staff photographer.

In the news...sort of

So, I was on the DallasNews.com web site and saw this on the right-hand side of one of the pages I was reading (not the home page).

What bothers me about this is why the fuck the Spanish-translated links are ABOVE the English links?

What web/newspaper editor's bright idea was this?

Morons! Which i believe is spelled the same in English and Spanish. How about asno mudo? It can be translated here.

TAKS test

My oldest, a fifth grader, has the science portion of the TAKS test to take today. It's an all day affair. They have all the time they need to do it. They can't have any electronics devices, i.e. cell phones—yes, around here 5th graders have them...some even have iPhones—and they must bring their lunch. I guess it's to protect the testing environment and make sure everyone (even across the state) has the same "playing field." Anyway, they have already taken the English and math sections of the TAKS so this is the final testing.

What makes me think about this is that I recall when I was taking the "TAKS" (it may have been called something different back then) we took it over like three consecutive days. Three days of lock down hell but then you were done. You didn't have to worry about it later. Nowadays, the worries anyone might have are brought to fruition once every month or so...I think they've had a month between each section.

Way to make students (especially littler children like mine) have testing stress three times a year instead of once!

Oh well!

Sympathy cards writings for a death in the family

My boss boss's father-in-law passed away. The office got a sympathy card for her and passed it around the office for signing.

I went blank. I don't particularly care much for this woman because of something she said when my father passed away. I didn't want to seem insensitive though as the rest of the office would sign it and see what I signed - yes, that's called peer pressure. Actually, I'm just a nice guy (to an extent) no matter what the bitch said to me.

Anyway, after a quick Google of "what to write on a death sympathy card," the solutions were presented before me.

So, if you ever have this problem, please see this link, as long as it doesn't expire for some "sincere" insight.

It worked for me. I went with "My sympathies for your loss."

SLAM DUNK! (for me anyway)