Email humor 03/31/2011

In the news 03/31/2011

Just a few quick jots from some articles/stories I've read today:

1) This is a pretty damn cool picture (x-ray) of a stingray. Got this from a quick story at BoingBoing here.

2) Richard Blais apparently won Top Chef All-Stars. You can see an article here. If you look at him, does he not remind of Jim Breuer (otherwise known as Goat Boy from Saturday Night Live)? Well, he does look like him to me.

3) Katy Perry's got a new video out for the song "E.T." I don't know if the big promo for it is because it's new or if just the video is new. I feel like I've heard the song on the radio or something before. Katy does make a pretty hot alien but I think the aliens I've always see have more cleavage exposure. Anyway, you can check the video out here

∞
That's all I got to say about that!
 

More on product placement...subliminal advertising...good marketing?

I got an advertisement in the mail today. It wasn't even addressed to me or my wife but after seeing it I had the urge to suddenly purchase a product from the company that sent it, Victoria's Secret. Sometimes I wonder how the hell ANYTHING got purchased with the marketing and advertising of the "olden" days.

Interesting questions from a survey

So, I think the point of this survey was to query the student population on if they volunteer for community services, what services they select, how they select and volunteer for their selected services, when and how often they volunteer and to see if any of them volunteer because of the college versus on their own. I think they want to know what kind of students they have and if the school is providing adequate (or braggable) access for these students to volunteer and support different services.

What's interesting is how they asked all these generic questions about the type of services and volunteering students have done but then these last few questions have to do with gender and sexual orientation.

Personally, I think these questions should not include the choice of "I prefer to not respond" because it should be a more definitive survey. The third option should be more like "Neither" or "I don't fucking know because I'm gender confused!" I think that gives a more accurate representation than "No response" which is basically what "I prefer to not respond" translates to. If they are trying to find out how many males versus females volunteer, then "No Response" doesn't help the survey.

Same with transgendered. A person either is or isn't. There is no maybe in transgendered.

And then finally, wouldn't you want to know how many Lesbians versus Bisexuals versus Homosexuals versus Heterosexuals versus "Try-anythings" volunteer that way you can point the finger and say, "Straights are less likely to volunteer for important causes whereas the Homosexuals volunteer the most?" I think an option of "I don't know what the fuck my orientation 'officially' is" is a more viable option because there are some people who are generally unsure.

So, basically in my opinion, if you are going to send a survey out to get information to compare, you shouldn't give the surveyees the choice to opt out of a question because that's the easiest answer. Your survey will not only be a waste of their time but your's as well.

Email humor 03/25/2011

SMART ASS

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "Must be doing well...
only two left."

Seniors -- don't mess with them!

Phone conversation of a wife and husband

.
Husband: [incredulously] Do you know what I have to do for Monday?

Wife: I don't care.

Husband: No really. Do you know what I have to do for Monday?

Wife: No really. I don't care.

Husband: Because you're a bitch!

Wife: Oh that's nice.

[a few minutes pass]

Wife: You should hear what I am writing to a couple of my students? It's pretty harsh.

Husband: I don't care.

Wife: Because you're a dick!

Husband: At least a dick has more usefulness than a bitch!

Wife: [sarcastically] Oh, that was funny.

Husband: Love ya!

Wife: Too!

∞
That's all I got to say about that!
 

Imitation crab...way sushi is done

I forgot to bring my lunch to work yesterday and couldn't decide if I wanted Chick-fil-A, Subway, Pizza Hut or sushi. I went with sushi. It was the easiest and quickest.

These are the "new" offerings they had available. I've taste tested them before at the local Kroger but never actually bought them. I decided to purchase these for $8.49 each instead of the smaller California-type rolls because of the price. Yes, $8.49 is a lot but the California rolls have been slightly increased while they decreased the contents. The California rolls are now 9 in a container instead of 12 like before. So, in my eyes, this was actually a better deal overall. Now I have to see if they made the same change at Kroger. I'll be somewhat miffed but it's a good thing it's not a huge thing for me to let go.

Anyway, enjoyed these yesterday and I have a few left over to enjoy later today...maybe even for breakfast!

Email humor 03/22/2011

For all you English majors out there.....

Lewinsky and Kaczynski

The Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section called the 'Style Invitational.'

The requirements this week were to use the two words 'Lewinsky' (the Intern)and 'Kaczynski' (the Unabomber) in the same limerick.

Now, remember, the following winning entries were actually printed verbatim in the newspaper, no bleeps or xxxs:

Third place:

There once was a girl named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas 'Hail to the Chief'
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.


Second place:

Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you made such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky.


And the winning entry:

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known,
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter,
When deciding how best to be blown.

Subliminal advertising

I previously blogged about product placement here.

Today, I received an email from CompUSA regarding some advertised deals. I captured just the top portion of the email. Before I present the capture, I ask you to think about a question or two before viewing:

• What is the type of customer/person that pops into mind when you think of CompUSA?
• If there is something that would influence your decision to purchase a product, what would it be?

Okay, so view the capture. Does anything about the ad/graphic/image entice you, influence you, make you think of something other than the product(s)? Is there no effect on you? Are they advertising to your expected customer type?

Takers (2010)

Takers (2010). I've had this movie too long to justify the cost of my BB Total Access Plan. I blame school. I've had a lot of reading, studying and homework to do and it's cutting into MY play time.

Anyway, just like any movie about heists and criminal schemes, this movie was pretty predictable. It was pretty good action, acting and all but it's just been done many times before. See movies like The Italian Job, The Score, and just about any Steven Seagal movie. The plot is simple: a group plans a heist, someone in the group is disgruntled and plans to screw over the others in the group, some people get hurt and/or die, the remaining group members get their revenge and live "happily ever after." Or as happy as you can be with a million or more bucks.

Unfortunately, there were a lot of scenes in this movie where I found myself saying out loud, "Bullshit!" Yes, yes, I know it's a movie but I do believe that you must maintain some semblance and "reality" to keep people's attentions if it's a reality-type movie and not some CGI or fantasy movie.

There are probably spoilers ahead in no particular order:

• Jesse (Chris Brown) is running from Jack and Eddie (Matt Dillon and Jay Hernandez) through the subway, buildings, streets and parks. He's flying like one of those free runner guys...leaping over walls, fences, and vehicles. There is absolulely NO POSSIBLE WAY that Jack and Eddie would be able to keep up with him. Just not having it!
• The entire time the whole team, especially leader Gordon (Idris Elba), is careful to pay attention to Ghost's (T.I.) behavior and intentions. After the heist, they let their guard way down before being totally sure they made their getaway with the money. It leads to troubles. I don't believe a master planner would be so quick to lower his guard.
• Jack Welles is too smart to be a detective. He has all the answers to the many mysteries of finding out who the robbers are and shit. It's annoying for them to write a part like this. It reminds me of how annoying and unbelievable Det. Goren (Vincent D'Onofrio) was in Law & Order: Criminal Intent.
• They wrote Jack Welles as the cop that is too invested in his job...like every other detective movie. He has his daughter with him and he avoids being a father to her on his "off" day. Too typical and already done way too many times.
• I can't believe they killed off so many of the group. First, A.J. (Hayden Christensen in a part he did quite well in) get's killed in the backstabbing shoot-out in the hotel room after the heist. Jesse and Jake are tracked down (which isn't explained on 'how') to their house and have a shoot out with many policemen. Their survival or death not clear afterwards. John (Paul Walker) and Gordon are confronted by Ghost and Jack at the airport. Ghost is killed. Jack wounded. Gordon wounded and John are seen leaving to who-knows-where with a bajillion dollars.

Okay, so I've probably overanalyzed the movie. I'm not saying it was bad. I'm just saying it has already been done, better, previously.

In the end, it's a good watch if someone you know has it available to watch. Otherwise, you can wait to instantly watch it on Netflix when it becomes available.

Can you pick me up from the airport?

Stupid girl at work came to my desk Thursday afternoon and asked me what I thought about this question. Not specifically this question but her response to this question to someone...who just happened to be her father.

Stupid girl's father was coming into town at DFW Airport, from where I don't know and it's not required for the story. He calls to ask his daughter if she could pick him up from DFW Airport and take him to Dallas for an appointment he has. His flight lands at 7:30 a.m.

Stupid girl lives in Dallas. She's near the intersection of Mockingbird Lane and Central Expressway. In case you are not familiar, DFW Airport is about 25 minutes from her location without traffic or construction issues. She would not experience much if any traffic at 7 a.m.-ish going to DFW Airport but she may hit a bit on the way back.

Stupid girls tells me that she basically told her father, "No." She said she told him, "That's kind of early," and, "It would be different if we could go to breakfast..." and of course he pays. She said, "It'll cost like $15 for a cab. I will give you $15."

She came to me looking for justification in her response to "ease her guilt." She didn't get it from me.

I told her she was wrong and she was selfish for not helping out her father. I said, "It's your FATHER! It's not like it's a friend or a sibling!" I said, "You should do this for your father strictly for the fact that HE IS YOUR FATHER!" This is of course unless her father was a deadbeat but what I have gathered from knowing her, he is not. I ranted a little bit more and told her, "Even if my parent(s) were able to walk to my house in 15 minutes, I would tell them I'd pick them up! That's what we do as good kids to our parents who were good to us."

She still didn't get it. I haven't spoken to her yet today to see what she ended up doing. She wasn't late to work Friday morning so my assumption is that she didn't pick up her father from the airport.

She's a shitty person, a shitty worker and now she is a shitty daughter! I expected nothing less these days from her.

Mrs. Baird's bread factory is no more.

Drove by the intersection of Mockingbird Lane and Central Expressway this morning. I knew they were deconstructing the old Mrs. Baird's Factory but I didn't realized it had progressed to so far so fast. It felt like just the other day that I read an article that some copper was stolen from the sight. The price you get for copper must be well worth it to steal from such a busy intersection. Of course, it could be easily taken if you are a sneaky enough thieving bastard! Anyway, thought it was worthy to note of the passing of a historical landmark (albeit not officially recognized).

Here are a few Google map shots of what it used to look like before demolition.

Shit movies on Netflix

It looks like my assumption was somewhat right about how Netflix doesn't have the movies we (I) want to watch. It seems like Netflix is more like premium cable television channels: they play new(er) movies over and over and over during seemingly peak times of the day and they play 5-10-20-yr-old movies over and over and over during all the other times of the day.

Anyway, check the Gizmodo write up here and I believe they have a link to the actual article within theirs.

The Human Centipede [First Sequence] (2009)

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009). This is another movie that I was able to watch on my Netflix free trial. I think I had it on my Blockbuster Queue as well but I figured since I can get it on watch instantly, why wait for it to come in the mail.

I must say that I was quite disappointed with the movie. It was slow and too drawn out. It was pretty boring. Maybe if it had a better storyline/script and was about a maximum of 45 minutes long (and that's pushing it), it would have been a lot better.

The guy that played the doctor played the part fairly well. I mean he looked the part which added to his creepiness. I'm not sure that he could have fended off any of the individuals that became part of the "first sequence" if they decided to fight back before becoming "attached." He was pretty frail compared to the Asian guy as well as the two girls. I know they were drugged and all but after they were attached the Asian was pretty functional compared to the other girls. Yes. Yes. He was probably in a huge state of shock to wake one day to find some naked hot chick's lips surgically attached to his sphincter but I would think "fight or flight" would have kicked in at sometime.

I don't recall how the Asian guy got captured but the two girls are just plain stupid. If this doctor would have answered some door I knocked on, I would have turned tail. My danger radar probably would have been chirping if not blaring full blast. It's like if Lurch from the Addam's Family answered the door. I...Am...Outta...There!

I'm not medical enthusiast but I really didn't understand the point of removing the victims knee caps. Maybe it was to keep them from trying to "run" away but I would think that having your knee caps removed would hurt like fuck! As such, I would think it would hurt like fuck to crawl around on your knees.

The point of a horror movie is to inflict fear into an individual in the sense that they think this could actually happen. I don't think this movie did a very good job at that. I mean the occurences could happen but it wasn't a frigtful notion as much as it was an "Eh, it could happen but not likely" kind of thought.

SPOILER ALERT! I didn't like the ending much either. I didn't like how both the detectives/investigators were killed. They both got popped by a puny, scrawny, severly injured man. The first cop got cut and shot (I think). Granted he was feeling the effects of ingesting a bit of whatever drug the doctor put in his water. Note to self and readers: DON'T TAKE DRINK OFFERINGS FROM STRANGERS! The second cop, the seemingly smarter of the two, had a hell of a shot to the doctor's forehead but he himself was shot and died shortly after.

I did find it sickly amusing when the Asian guy had to shit. His reactions and emotions were priceless. It totally sucked ass (literally) for the girl stuck to his ass. This scene had to be one of the better of the entire movie.

So, at the end of the movie, I was left with two impressions:

1. I guess the 2nd sequence will probably start off with someone finding the doctor's insane "research notes" and decide to continue with his work since he's dead.
2. It sucks for the girl that "survived" to be the middle link of the three-pede. The guy's whose ass she is sucking on killed himself and her friend who's sucking on her ass died from infection. She is stuck in the middle (Ha! I crack myself up!).

In the end, I was very disappointed in this movie. I saw a bunch of previews and articles talking about it before it premiered that were more positive than negative. I guess my expectations were set too high. I felt like I was watching a movie made by a high school theater student with an old Hi-8 camcorder and some friends or random people he asked to be part of his "project film."

There was no mystery, suspense, intenseness, or ANYTHING that would keep someone interested. I, unfortunately, make myself watch all of a movie because I hate to not complete the watching of a movie. It's weird, I know. Anyway, even the very brief nudity of the two female characters that was shown was not enough for me to speak much more about this horrible film. I've already wasted too much time and effort.

If you haven't figured out my verdict yet, I will definitely tell you to pass on this movie. It is a waste of the studio's time, money and effort as well as yours. So listen to me and avoid it! Don't even listen to anyone that says ANYTHING positive about this movie. They lie and they don't know what the hell they are talking about. Just leave it on the shelf, literal and virtual.

How effective is product placement?

I don't know. How do you/can you effectively track such a thing? I really don't think they have a sure fire way at this time.

I recently saw some article that said Apple won the award (imaginary, I think) for most product placement in movies, TV shows, and the like.

That's great but does it really make people want to get an iPod, iPad or Mac for themselves just because they saw it in a movie? It's just not trackable. Now, if they had a product that was specifically made for that movie or had something that made it unique because of the movie (something like the U2 iPod even though I don't recall it was in a movie but you get my point, I hope), then maybe it could be tracked.

I'm not saying this isn't a viable marketing tool. I'm just curious on if they take the time to track something like this.

What made me type this is different kind of product placement. The product placement is obviously positioned strategically for certain potential customers but I'd like to know if it really works. I would think somewhat because I'm a male and I know how we think (you'll see the correlation when you see the advertising product placement).

Click here to see the first image. Enticing? Yes. Are you aware of the product that's being advertised? Maybe. Are you thinking about the product that's being advertised? Males = Not really, Females = Maybe. If you know what the product being advertised is, are you interested in buying it? Males = Maybe but probably not for the real reason of liking the product. Females = Who knows?

Click here to see the second image. Enticing? Yes, especially to males. Are you aware of the product that's being advertised? Males/Females = Wha...can almost see boobs. Are you interested in buying the product being advertised? Males = Still can almost see boob, Females = No, because the close up of the actual product was a better view of the product.

I don't remember where I saw this link but product these photos are trying to sell can be found here while it lasts.

So, which is better for sales: product placement in movies/shows or product placement on an attractive model? We may never know.

Email humor 03/01/2011

Today's grammar lesson:

In this world of hi-tech, I have noticed that many, who text message and email, have forgotten the "art" of capitalization. Those of you who fall into this world, please take note of the following statement. I cannot stress enough that grammar is important:

Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

This lesson is finished.