COMPANY PARTY
The Company has decided to hold a summer company party. We can have alcohol, but due to liability issues, we will be limited to one (1) drink per person. The good news is I'm in charge of cups.
A POST TURTLE
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher, whose hand had been caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to former Texas Governor, George W. Bush, and his elevation to the White House. The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'."
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was. The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."
The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just want to help the dumb shit get down."
LULU
Lulu was a prostitute. One day there was a raid. All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as they took them in one by one.
As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street and was so ashamed, Grandma didn't know her occupation. Grandma stopped to say hi, and asked what the line was for.
Lulu, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh oranges to those waiting. Grandma said wonderful, she loved oranges and got at the end of the line.
When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed. He said, "How the heck do you do this at your age?"
She said "I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck'em dry!"
The policeman fainted.
HOW TO GET A WOMAN TO STOP SMOKING
Why kids should not be left alone...
The Company has decided to hold a summer company party. We can have alcohol, but due to liability issues, we will be limited to one (1) drink per person. The good news is I'm in charge of cups.
A POST TURTLE
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher, whose hand had been caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to former Texas Governor, George W. Bush, and his elevation to the White House. The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'."
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was. The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."
The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just want to help the dumb shit get down."
LULU
Lulu was a prostitute. One day there was a raid. All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as they took them in one by one.
As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street and was so ashamed, Grandma didn't know her occupation. Grandma stopped to say hi, and asked what the line was for.
Lulu, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh oranges to those waiting. Grandma said wonderful, she loved oranges and got at the end of the line.
When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed. He said, "How the heck do you do this at your age?"
She said "I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck'em dry!"
The policeman fainted.
HOW TO GET A WOMAN TO STOP SMOKING
Why kids should not be left alone...
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