Thursday, May 31, 2007

Email humor 05/31/2007

News Flash

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip...

that can store and play music in womens breast implants. The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on size.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Summer school 2007

So, I start summer school today. My class isn't until 3pm (til 4:40pm) so I can't say, "Summer school started today." Although I guess it did for some students.

I'm taking a business computer course under the Information Technology Operations Management heading. It's basically some information on databases...I think. It doesn't matter to me really. I'm sick and tired of taking General Education Curriculum (GEC) or perspectives. I want the meat and potatoes classes of my major! I am almost through with the GEC courses so that's a definite bonus. I think I have two more to take - one in summer session two and the other either Fall 07 or Spring 08. I then have my major courses and something called a minor (if I so choose) that I could get by taking my electives. I had forgotten all about these minor courses. They are basically filler courses to get to the required 120 credit hours. More shit that the educational society thinks I should waste my money on. Bastards!

Anyway, I purchased my book about an hour ago from the bookstore. If they don't rape you on the mundane courses to take, they really fucking rape you on the cost of books. My books was $91. It was $94 as a used book less my employee discount. I wonder what the hell a new book costs! Bitches and whores taking my money.

Well, I just had to vent about the book costs and mundane courses. It's nice to know that I have three and a half years (roughly) and I will be a college graduate. If I was going full time I could not it out in half the time but because I work I only take six hours a semester since I also have to make time to have fun with my kids and doing the things I like to do.

Three and years...keeping my fingers crossed! And when I'm done, I'm having the biggest fucking party ever and then I'm taking a long motherfucking break. I'm gonna save my vacation days from work until the day I graduate and then I'm relaxin'.


Thursday, May 24, 2007

Email humor 05/24/2007

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Vet Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Dancing with the Stars

Why the fuck can't they just have a finale without making it two to three hours long? It's filled with bullshit! Just get to the decision fothermuckers!!!!!

I'm gonna snap!

P.S. There is no way that Joey Fatone should be in the top two finalists. Layla was so much more elegant and Apollo kicks ass as well. I think the show needs to revamp their accepted contestants to those people that have NEVER done any dancing. Emmitt Smith was a football player who ballroom danced. Layla Ali is a professional female boxer who ballroom danced. Apollo Anton Ono is an Olympian speed skater who ballroom danced. Drew Lachey was a singer/performer with previous dancing experience, albeit may not have been that good or that much, before he ballroom danced. And...Joey Fatone was is a singer/performer with previous dancing experience who ballroom danced. In fact, many of Joey's dances during the show were faster and more in line with what he's used to doing during his stint with N'Sync and on Broadway.

So, if Joey wins...I will be very disappointed. They are about to announce the champion...

And the winner is...



Sunday, May 13, 2007

Olivia Wilde

I just got done watching "Alpha Dog" and to my surprise I saw one of my harem girls getting naked in the movie.

It's none other than Olivia Wilde who also played in the ever-disappointing "Turistas" and the now-canceled TV show "The Black Donnellys".

I'm sure she's been in a few others but I first saw her on The Black Donnellys. I then saw her in Turistas which was a bust there were like three or four really hot chicks but only one of them got naked...and she was really only topless.

Anyway, it was a nice surprise in just a so-so movie.

Oh yeah, here are a couple of pictures of Olivia in case you don't know who she is...


Friday, May 11, 2007

Humor 05/11/2007

Once again from my calendar "Why Do Men Have Nipples?", I think I have another favorite word...
Bathykolpian (adj.) Deep-bosomed.
Derived from the Greek bathus (deep) and kolpos (cleft). Actually kolpos referred to not only to the cleft between the breasts (and so the breasts themselves, as here), but also the cleft of the vagina. Thus we get the medical prefix colpo -,as in "colposcope," a surgical instrument used to examine the vagina and the cervix.

This is a Saturday Night Live clip when Payton Manning hosted. They didn't have embedding coding that I could find and I didn't want to take the time to steal save it to something like YouTube. It's worth the trip though.

Payton Manning gives back to kids in the community.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

College still sucks!

So, I blame my lack of writing anything of substance on my statistics class. All the little bit of brain power I have is put into studying for my quizzes, homework and exams. I come up with quick and witty or just interesting things to say to just have them disappear in a matter of seconds.

It sucks. It just really sucks, I tell ya!

Anyway, maybe I'll be able to write better after my stats final tomorrow morning. It's from 8am-11am and the professor said, "I wrote the exam for two hours. You can take the whole three you are allotted but it shouldn't take more than the two hours." She also mentioned it was ONLY 35 questions. How's that for shaking someone's confidence in taking the test and passing it.

So, as mentioned, after the exam maybe I'll be able to type a little more interesting things when I have more room for thought in my little brain.

Not that anyone gives a shit in blogger land...

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

More subliminal advertising

Random observations...

If you could positively look this woman, would you not run into this business and get your body sculpted by a laser? It's almost like those artists that carve shit out of wood or ice. The ad of a naked woman showing almost all her best assets gets me going but not in the direction they were looking for.

I wonder why they don't ever have some obese person in these ads saying something like, "Are you meaty? Come see us and we'll carve you to perfection." Oh well!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

The Tampon Taser and OhMiBod

I would hate to accidentally grab the wrong tampon. What kind of taser design will they come up with next?

Well, it's not a taser but it's still an interesting concept for's the Oh Mi Bod

Email humor 05/02/2007

Top 10 Contestants For The 2006 Women Drivers Award

10th place goes to:

9th place goes to:

8th place goes to:

7th place goes to:

6th place goes to:

5th place goes to:

4th place goes to:

The bronze medal goes to:

The silver medal goes to:

...And finally, here is our 2006 Women Drivers Award Gold Medal Winner

Germaphobes - pains in the ass

This notification showed up in the men's restroom on the first floor of the building work in. There is no other sign anywhere like this on campus. It's quite amusing. I think I've written about this before. It's just funny how these germaphobes don't want to touch the restroom door handle to get out but they'll use and drop the "protective" paper towel on the floor which contributes to the germs in the restroom. MORONS! They seem to not consider the facts that they use the same hand(s) to open their office doors, touch the conference room chairs, shake hands and who the hell knows what else but for some reason that thin layer of paper saves them from getting ANY germs. Can I say it again...MORONS! It especially cracks me up to see it says from "The Management". We'd like to know who this secret management is. LOL.

Anyway, here is the's a little dark but it was either this or have a huge flash reflection where you couldn't read half of the message.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Hogan THOUGHT he knew best

I remember watching an episode of Hogan Knows Best when Brooke was looking into getting hooked up with a studio to start her "singing" career. This producer/studio guy said something about how he thought Brooke needed to dress to be noticed and get people to more interested in her singing. Hulk said, "My daughter will not dress like a slut to sell records!" All the world now knows what a pussy Hulk really is!