Monday, August 31, 2009

Email humor 08/31/2009

Random Thoughts of the Day:
  • I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
  • More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
  • Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
  • I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
  • Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
  • I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
  • The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
  • Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
  • There is a great need for sarcasm font.
  • Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.
  • I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
  • How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  • I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
  • I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
  • The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
  • A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
  • Was learning cursive really necessary?
  • Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
  • I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
  • Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
  • My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
  • Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
  • How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
  • I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
  • While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
  • MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  • Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  • I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
  • Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
  • I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
  • Bad decisions make good stories.
  • Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
  • Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
  • If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
  • Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....
  • You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
  • Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
  • There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
  • I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
  • "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
  • I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
  • While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
  • I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
  • I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
  • When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
  • I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
  • Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
  • As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
  • Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  • It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
  • I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  • I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
  • Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
  • Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
  • My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
  • It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
  • I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
  • I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
  • I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
  • The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.



Swine Flu Symptom Check

If you wake up looking like this, don't go to work.






Goodbye and Good Riddance!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

P90X

I was motivated to start P90X by a commercial I saw. I found that it's a 6-day regimen with a 7th-day option of A) rest or B) Abs X.

I decided to begin the program with day 7, option A.


In the news 08/30/2009

Saw an article at the DallasNews.com talking about some new laws that will take effect. Some I think are just plain stupid, stupid but worth the effort, and just plain worth it.

One particular one that caught my eye and thought it was worth noting purely on the fact that it is very ODD and leave it to the good, old southern state of Texas to come up with some seemingly funny-ass law. So here it is:
        A proper method for folding the state flag becomes law

Ain't that some silly shit?


Goodbye and Good Riddance!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

A historic versus an historic

When is it right to use one versus the other?

Is only one right?

To me, "An historic time" doesn't sound right but "A historic time" does...especially if historic is said as "his" versus "is".

I'm thoroughly confused!


Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Google text verification is bogus

So, I created a new gmail account and this is the text verification I got. This shit is almost illegible. I had two previous text verifications that I failed because what I typed didn't match the image and I've got super 20/20 vision.

Anyway, I thought I'd share how stupid this shit is. I mean I understand the need for such verifications but at least make it a little easier for us to read!



Goodbye and Good Riddance!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Just put your big-girl panties on...

Motivational poster circulating around our office. Law suits to follow?

Amber Rose

You know, I don't much like Kanye West. He's overrated and over-hyped. He likes to toot his own fucking horn too damn much! But I can say that he did a decent job in picking a girl friend. Even without long hair, she's still pretty hot and stacked! She's got jungle fever so I think she'll probably move on to another "brother" because like they say, "Once you go black, you never go back!"

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

State quarters

I think a lot of people thought that when the U.S. Mint decided to mint state quarters they would have a new collection to put on the wall or in a case.

My mom was the same up until she passed. I sort of just kind of started keeping the quarters as I came across them before she passed and I guess I try to do it when I am not distracted. Not a need to do thing but as I see them I try to keep them without duplicating the ones I already have. I even thought to get as nerdy as creating some kind of map-thing to put the quarters in to keep track of them. You know, the ones I have versus the ones I don't. I didn't quite get that nerdy but I have thought of it.

Anyway, I recently got some change from...somewhere, I can't remember...and this is the quarter that was part of my change. Now be it far from my knowledge and caring but when the fuck did Puerto Rico become a state?! I know it is a U.S. territory but a fucking QUARTER for a non-state?! Shit! What the fuck about Guam? Guam is a a U.S. territory. I haven't seen a quarter for them! In fact, I don't think I've seen all 50 STATES on a quarter yet.

Oh well. I guess that's the end of my rant.

This is what's for dessert

Stopped by Chili's this evening with the youngest and the wife. We shared the mix & match half rack ribs with sides of loaded mashed potatoes and sweet corn on the cob. Molten chocolate cake for desset....Um, um, good!
.
.
.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

My Happy Place


So, I have this drawing above my desk at work. It's been there for a long time. I forget how long. One of my kids did it for me.

My kids used to come to work with me, and I'm sure they will in the future, when the wife has to go into work. We don't like to leave them alone...okay, they don't like to be home alone...although they are basically a block away from my work and it's always during the daytime hours.

Anyway, they need things to keep occupied while at my work. They usually bring their Nintendo DS or they are easily entertained with drawing. This is the output of one of them, again I forget which.

Point is. I occasionally (almost daily) look up from my desk/monitor where the picture is thumb-tacked upon my cork board and it brings a smile to my face. Okay, who's kidding who. If I think about and stare at it too much, I get teary-eyed because I'm a friggin' wussy! Kids will do that to you...if you are a loving, caring, involved parent.

I'm a laid back guy. It takes a lot to get under my skin. I try to seize the day but am not always successful. I do believe in appreciating the things I have been given and will be given. Oh crap, where am I going with this...

Anyway, I see this drawing as a reminder to enjoy the simple things in life. I forget when it was done or which one did it but it's a daily reminder of my kids telling me that the simple enjoyment of being with their dad at work and drawing pictures was one of the best days of their lives...and mine.

From The New Yorker desk calendar

A coworker shared this with me last Friday and I just got a chance to take a pic and post it.

It sort of speaks volumes of my position at work. Being the only manly man in the office, I get asked to "help" with a lot of extracurricular duties involving lifting and moving.

It's a pity that some of the people that ask don't offer up the sex part like in the comic. And I could do without the killing part. LOL!


Email humor 08/19/2009

How to tell when bananas go bad...





A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "It's 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it's 3:00 in the morning and it's pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us?"

"I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello! are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband, soaking wet.

"Yes, please!" Comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replied the drunk.



Goodbye and Good Riddance!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Hair mayonnaise?

I was at the local Dollar Tree and I came across this little gem.

I just don't know what this "hair mayo" is about!

Weird!





Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Ruger .22 Mark III Hunter

A coworker of mine just purchased this beauty today from TargetMaster off Jupiter Road in Dallas, Texas.

It's a nice plinkster and the ammo is very cheap compared to larger rounds. It makes unloading round after round just pure enjoyment. It may not outright stop/kill an intruder but it will make unloading the ten-round clip into then a joy!

We shot it at the range in TargetMaster and it was fun fun! I would buy this if I had disposable income but I'm on a semi-fixed budget. Plunking down $500 on this would make the wife think about using it...on me!

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Monday, August 17, 2009

Email humor 08/17/2009

SEVEN DEGREES OF DUMBASS

FIRST DEGREE -- Boudreaux and his wife were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. Boudreaux picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The wife said, "Who was that?" Boudreaux answered, "I don't know, some man wanting to know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE -- Two Cajuns are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. He opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second Cajun says, "Here, let me see!!" So the first Cajun hands him the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE -- Boudreaux suspects his wife of cheating on him, so he goes out and buys a gun. He goes to his house unexpectedly and when he opens the door he finds her in the arms of a redhead. Well, Boudreaux is really angry. He pulls out the gun, and as he does so, he is overcome with grief. He takes the gun and puts it to his head. His wife yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" Boudreaux replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE -- Boudreaux was bragging about his knowledge of state capitals. He proudly says, "Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?" Boudreaux replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIFTH DEGREE -- What did the Cajun girl ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE -- Boudreaux, a Cajun in his fourth year as a LSU Freshman, sat in his US Government class. The professor asked Boudreaux if he knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Boudreaux pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware "

SEVENTH DEGREE -- Returning home from work, Boudreaux was shocked to find his house ransacked and burglarized. He telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, Boudreaux ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting his face in his hands, Boudreaux moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."



The Preacher and the bibles

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church. Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louie stuttered badly. But, NOT WANTING TO discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?" Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church." "Fine job, Jack!", the minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Turning to Paul, "And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the church last week?" Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church and here's $280 I collected." The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a
professional salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?" Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this? Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?" Louie just nodded.

That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could." "Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered. Impatiently, Paul interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!" "A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ------o-o-o-or-------- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??"


Goodbye and Good Riddance!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Email humor 08/16/2009

A small zoo in West Texas obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker from Midland-Odessa, responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions: "First," Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition. "Second," he said, "She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition. "Third," he said, "you can't never tell no one about this." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition. "Fourth," Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed. "And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00."


Goodbye and Good Riddance!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Email humor 08/13/2009

A guy walked into the local Welfare Office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, 'Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'

The social worker behind the counter said, 'Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.'

'You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.'

'This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job assignment, to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive....'

'A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.'

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, 'You're bullshittin' me!'

The social worker said, 'Yeah, well... You started it.'


Goodbye and Good Riddance!

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Advertisements in FaceBook

Saw this ad in my FaceBook.

I'm beginning to think FaceBook is really YahooMail.

Although not truly an "adult-themed" photo, the subliminal image is obvious.

No complaints really just thought it was interesting.

Physical therapists are funny

The wife had knee surgery Wednesday. The physical therapist gives a "how-to" on using crutches with stairs. She used the analogy "Good girls go to Heaven and bad girls go down."

The wife shoots me a "keep-your-trap-shut" stare because she knows me so well and my dirty mind had to be kept in check because I was thinking those bad girls are really good girls. ;-P

For those that really care, the analogy refers to starting with your good leg to ascend the stairs but then start with the bad leg (and crutch for support) to descend the stairs.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!


Friday, August 07, 2009

Email humor 08/07/2009

AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED...


My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

**************

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

**************


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible ."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started....

**************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it...He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

**************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started....

**************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started....

**************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started....

**************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

**************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

**************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started....

**************



Goodbye and Good Riddance!

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Notification technology for surgeries

So, the wife had knee surgery this morning. 5am wake-up. 5:45am check-in. 7am approximate start. They give you...well, me...a pager-type device. So old-school. Whatever happened to just using the PA system? I guess that's even more old-school.

Anyway, first page was a test message. The second was a message to go to the nurse's desk to get prepped and such. The third page was the following (in the picture, duh)

I don't think you can see the time in the picture but it was displayed as 9:55am. I really got the page at 7:50am. They don't care to set the time on the pagers. It's not important they said and some person after me will probably mess with it and change the time or whatever (like I did, I set the time/date after I was in the consultation room...waiting...for 40 minutes and no one ever came. So I had to step out and ask what was up).

Anyway, after the miscommunication with the consultation room and about an hour and a half to two hours of recovery, physical therapist visit, and instructions, we were able to leave $1,200 poorer with more billing to come.

Good times!

UPDATE: I don't know why Blogger is making the picture vertical because the original isn't. Again, technology quirks!

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Jack In The Box - 2 Free Tacos

Today only. No purchase necessary.

Click on the image to print the coupon.
(as long as the deal last which is probably midnight)


By the way, I've never had tacos from Jack in the Box but they are worth a try at the cost of FREE! Although, I'm not sure how tasty tacos are with what looks like a slice of cheese versus shredded cheese.


Goodbye and Good Riddance!

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Email humor 08/02/2009

Crockett at the Alamo

The date was 6 March 1836

On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main floor of the Alamo where 183 men waited to do battle. He then walked up to the observation post along the west wall of this fort. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were already there, looking out over the top of the wall.

These three great men gazed at the horde of over 4000 Mexicans moving steadily toward them!

With a puzzled look on his face, Crockett turned to Bowie and asked, "Jim, are we having some landscaping done today ?"