Saturday, September 30, 2006

Where were these parties when I was younger?

Where are these parties now that I am older...married...with children?


(found this somewhere...can't remember where, otherwise I'd give credit where credit is due.)

Friday, September 29, 2006

Season premieres for Smallville and One Tree Hill

The woman in me has finally gotten satisfied by the season premieres of Smallville and One Tree Hill. Unfortunately for me, I’m not a woman!

I just got a chance to watch the episodes on my TiVo.

Anyway, here are a few of my critiques. Let’s start with the show with boy wonder…

First, in this show, I think more “normal” people get thrown through the air around 50 feet or more into objects like walls, cars or such and get up with minimal, if any, injuries.

Second, when Clark gets out of the “inescapable” phantom zone through the Kal-El family gate, four prisoners are sucked in with him and are obviously released into earth (if you didn’t see the extra “meteor-type” things fall from the sky when Clark did, you should watch Dancing With The Stars.) Before they switch from Clark activating the gate to Earth, you see the four prisoners in “human” form get sucked into the gate. Fast forward to the end of the episode and you see a “phantom” flying through the foresty river area somewhere in Argentina. If he wasn’t in “phantom” form in the phantom zone, I don’t think he should be so on Earth.

Third, Clark saves Martha and Lionel at his barn and then runs to the Luthor mansion to confront Lex and, by chance, save Lana—who was almost unscathed after Lex/Zod tossed her across the room into a wall about 50 feet away so he now has to choke her until she passes out. Instead of just speed running and knocking the wholly crap out of Lex/Zod, Clark stops in the entrance and says, “Let her go!” Now, how stupid was that? Anyone who is anyone knows that the element of surprise is essential in any battle.

Fourth, Lex/Zod and Clark are fighting in the woods. Lex is punching the crap out of Clark on this bolder. They show one hit to the jaw of Clark and “blood” spurts out as the force of the punch turns Clark’s head. I quote blood because it wasn’t red. It was more like a dark, oily color kind of like M.Fine was made of. What is wrong with this? Clark and Zod are immortal. No matter who is beating their ass, they are free of showing injury or even being injured. Now, you can chunk there asses through the air or knock them about but no damage or injury should occur. Look at Superman II. Superman fights Zod and his two underlings. He’s hit by a bus and one of them is batted by a light pole but they received no injuries because they are both immortals with the same super powers.

I guess that’s enough picking on the man of steel show. I do want to say that Chloe is getting hotter as the show progresses. I don’t know if it’s just because she’s getting older in real life or they are making her diet and such. Either way, she’s looking hotter…still no Lana, yet, but even Lana’s starting to lose that “loving” feeling.

Well, I was going to comment on One Tree Hill but I decided that I am obviously thinking too much about these shows. I should just enjoy them for what they are…entertainment.

So, I digress and will sign out for now.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Email humor 09/26/2006

BLOW UP DOLLS

A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"
Customer says, "Female"
Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"
Customer says, "White"
Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"
Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"
Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

The white man always trying to keep the brown man down

This is from my kids' 2006-2007 calendar from school about drug awareness and fighting against drugs. I live in what would be considered a very rich, white neighborhood (I'm brown [Hawaiian]) and to see something like this in an elementary school calendar is...well...funny but some may find it offensive.


If you don't get the picture, look closely. It is a WHITE kid with a BIG hammer smashing the BLACK drug dealer on the head to combat drugs because all drug dealers are Black or Mexican.

Get it?

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Email humor 09/20/2006

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber."I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."



The following is an actual question given on a University of Minnesota chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"



Meet a man with 30 seconds left to live



Subject: Union Rules

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.

His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house.

We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.

"I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Apple iPod (fifth-generation update, 80GB, black)

This might be one of those times that I jump on the iPod bandwagon. 80GB makes it more enticing, for sure!

Apple iPod (fifth-generation update, 80GB, black)

Although, I was on this web site a while ago called Gizmodo and saw some mention about a nice MP3/Video player. Once I find out what it was called and find the link, I'll post it.

Update: Okay, I think I found it...sort of. I know it was an Archos player but can't remember which one, exactly. I think it was atleast the 80GB version and above. Anyway, here's a link that should bring up all Archos products on Gizmodo here.

Newer Update: It was an Archos 604 (30GB) but I believe they are coming out or have out by now the 60GB. You can see the CNET.com review of the Archos 604 30GB here. I'd much rather have the 60GB or 80GB version but I'd take the 30GB one just as well. Too cool!

Monday, September 18, 2006

Boobs will always make my day better

Went to a local sporting event. I was tired from staying up too late on Friday the 15th, getting up way too early to play tennis on Saturday the 16th, then had to watch my kids while the wife went somewhere for four hours, and had to go to this sporting event with the kids and some friends with a headache.

Was taking a random picture of my kiddos and look what popped into the frame. All was a little better once I saw this picture except it was two days later.

Ah well, boobs are better late than never.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Not email humor but nonetheless, from a chain email

In the pictures below, I don't believe they are completely cruel because I think that America is too lax on how we deal with/punish crimes - no matter how petty they may seem - and that's why we have so many repeat offenders. Although, to do this to an eight-year-old is a bit extreme. I'm sure his ass will not commit any further crimes, though, and I'm sure his family and friends will think twice, long and hard before they do something wrong.

This is from an email...not my words or official words of some news agency (as far as I know anyway)
An 8 year old child was caught stealing bread in a market in Iran. He is punished in a public place, in the name of Islam!!!

His arm will be crushed and will lose its use permanently. A religion of peace and love, they say? How can anyone believe them When they commit such inhumane acts?











MATE Dating Service

I've blogged about this business before but I must ask again, "What the hell are these people selling?" It's not what I want from the picture depicted but I don't think it's much of a dating service either. This business would be booming if all the chicks looked and laid like this woman. I'm howling like a wolf! Oh yeah!


Friday, September 15, 2006

Pics from "The Week In Pictures" on MSN.com

These are just a couple of cool pictures from big cities...Dallas/Ft Worth, Texas and, even bigger, New York, New York. I aspire to have the times, opportunities and know-how to take such pictures someday.

A view from the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport


A view from the Empire State Building


To see all the series of "This Week In Pictures", click here.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Email humor 09/11/2006

THE PASTOR'S DONKEY

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.

The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the headlines read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

Alas ... the Bishop was buried the next day.

MORAL OF THE STORY???

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Gary Busey is mental

I was watching "Celebrity Fit Club" and Gary Busey made an appearance. What the hell happened to this freaking psychopath!? I mean one moment he's kicking ass in "Lethal Weapon" then "Under Siege" and then he's like the cript creeper with part of his face melting of. Now I know he got in some motorcycle accident in 1988 while not wearing a helmet which was after Lethal Weapon (1987) but he still looked "normal" in Under Siege (1992). All I got to say is that Jake Busey is probably wondering what the hell happened too and why is Gary such an embarrassment. Pure freakazoid!

These pictures don't do justice to his transformation but they are all I could find in the short time that my mind would remember to write something about Crazy Gary.


vs

A slacker slacking

I should be studying or doing my accounting homework but instead I am watching the U.S. Open (I TiVoed it because I was doing family duties while it was going on) and surfing the web and came across this little gem...

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Images of beauty and health versus a gaunt, emaciated look

Finally, someone, somewhere, in some country, stepped up to the plate and said that anorexic bitches are no longer sexy at fashion shows. Shit, I knew this years ago because the likes of Cindy Crawford, Claudia Schiffer, Rachel Hunter, Stephanie Seymour, Kelly LeBrock and others - these models were HOT. Could you imagine having "relations" with a skeletal model? Ugh! I imagine it like humping a two by four or fine grade sandpaper. No, I haven't tried this but if it IS the same, I think the 2x4 is cheaper than the model or sandpaper.

Here's a quoted portion of the article. Click on it to go to the full thing as long as it is active.
Associated Press: MADRID, Spain - Spain’s top fashion show has turned away a slew of models on grounds they are too skinny — an unprecedented swipe at body images blamed for encouraging eating disorders among young people.

Email humor 09/09/2006

"France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
    
    - Mark Twain
    
------------------------------
    
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
    
    - General George S. Patton
    
------------------------------
    
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
    
    - Norman Schwartzkopf
    
------------------------------
    
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
    
    - Marge Simpson
    
------------------------------
    
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."
    
    - Jacques Chirac, President of France
    
------------------------------

"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
    
    - Rush Limbaugh
    
------------------------------
    
"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army
is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
    
    - Regis Philbin
    
------------------------------
    
"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know."
    
    - P.J. O'Rourke (1989)
    
------------------------------
    
"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
    
    - John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona
    
------------------------------
    
"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people."
    
    - Conan O'Brien
    
------------------------------
    
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq.  After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either."
    
    - Jay Leno
    
------------------------------
    
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
    
    - David Letterman
    
------------------------------
    
"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada"
    
    - Ted Nugent
    
------------------------------
    
"War without France would be like World War II."
    
    - Unknown
    
------------------------------
    
"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'"
    
    - Tom Brokaw
    
------------------------------
    
"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disneyworld and Big Macs than against the Nazis?"
    
    - Dennis Miller
    
------------------------------
    
"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us."
    
    - Alan Kent
    
-----------------------------
    
"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house."
    
    - Argus Hamilton
    
------------------------------
    
"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was 'Never shot. Dropped once.'"
    
    - Rep. Roy Blunt, MO
    
-----------------------------
    
"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq."
    
    - Dennis Miller
    
------------------------------
    
"Raise your right hand if you like the French... raise both hands if you are French."
    
    - Unknown
    
------------------------------
    
Q.  What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city during WWII?
    
A.  Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
    
-----------------------------
    
"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried."
    
    - Rep. R Blount, MO
    
------------------------------
    
"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining."
    
    - John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv
    
------------------------------
    
The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.  The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.
    
------------------------------
    
French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP)
    
Paris, March 5, 2003
    
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Discount Cell Phones from Sprint

I think I paid $4.99 for this in an eBay auction but I share it with whoever wants it for free because that's the kind of guy I am. I'm not sure if this actually works as I just got the information and haven't put it into practice as of today - September 8, 2006 at 8:09 p.m. So without further adieu...

How To Get Discount Cell Phones from Sprint

This step-by-step plan works!

Nextel/Sprint is a business (like all businesses) and they are in it to make money. However, they are able to provide their product for a lot cheaper if you where to go to get it. This can be accomplished in less than 5 minutes on the phone! No rebates to mail in or anything! This is not a scam!

Here is the Step-by-step plan for how to get the phone 50-80% off!

Step #1: Get to the right department
  • Dial 1-800-SPRINT-1 _1-800-777-468-1
  • Press 1 for English
  • Press 2 for Existing Customer
  • Press 2 for “Other Service Needs”
  • Press 2 for Nextel or 1 for Sprint
  • Press 4 for Customer Service (Sprint Customers ask for Retention Department)
  • Press 3 for “Disconnect Service for one your numbers”

    (note: don’t worry about this step…keep reading)

Step #2: Talking with the Retention department You will speak live with a Customer Service agent and tell them that you are thinking about disconnecting your phone service (IMPORTANT NOTE: They get paid money to retain you!). They have to ask “Why do you want to disconnect your phone service?”) Tell them that “I want A NEW PHONE AND Nextel/Sprint is trying to charge me an activation fee and charge for shipping and I have found similar phones cheaper with other cell phone companies.” (Do some quick research so that you are not lying.)

NOTE: Did you know that Home Depot has the same unwritten rule? Most people do not take advantage of this, but if you find the same product for cheaper somewhere else they will match and even beat the price! But what do most people do: Pay retail all day long without even thinking about it. This is perfectly legal and they are allowed to offer you a cheaper price because they want your service and believe me they are still making a profit on the phone! They will ask you which phone you were interested in and they will give you a DISCOUNTED OFFER! They will place the discounted phone on your next bill and ship you the phone! This model has been done over and over again with good success! Back-Up Plan! If you are nervous about this approach (as I originally was) remember this: if they are not giving you what you want, just tell them “you know what, let me think about this first. I’ll call you guys back.” Then, hang up and call right back in!

Step #3: Wait for Your Phone! They will send it free overnight by FedEx! Give it a shot! It really works! There you have it! You will never pay full price for a cell phone again!

*Additionally, try this method more than once if you do not get the offer you want the first time. Each sales rep treats each call differently.

REMEMBER: Cell Phone companies make their money off of you monthly, but they will take your money for the cell phone too if you let them!


Well, that's the instructions I got...good luck and leave me a note to let me know if it worked for you.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Going to college sucks balls!

I've been going to college in some form or fashion for about 16 years now. Occasionally, I have taken off so it's not a continuous 16 years but nevertheless, it sucks!

I'm nearing burnout and the semester just started. Going to college sucks ass to begin with but doing it at my age, having to work full-time AND having a wife and children makes the time "wasted" in class or studying that much more difficult to give up.

I'm hanging in there as my wife says it is good for my kids to see but I'm not so sure it's good for me to miss out on time with family, friends and what I consider MY fun/free time.

I don't know who said college was important but I'd like a few minutes in a locked room with them to "discuss" their opinion that everyone values so highly!

Monday, September 04, 2006

Maria Sharapova in her SI spread

She will call me for tennis lessons. Whether I'm the teacher or the pupil, matters not to me.





Mats Wilander visits the 2006 U.S. Open


Mats Wilander was a good player. I remember watching him and many others while growing up. I just wonder what the hell a person from Sweden or who lived in Sweden would want to live in Sun Valley, Idaho! Freakin' Idaho!? Oh well.