Saturday, July 31, 2010

Halloween II (2009)

I just finished watching Halloween II (2009) crapped out by Rob Zombie.

I must say that I fully agree with the comments on where people mention that this movie sucked and how Rob Zombie should stop making movies or someone should stop him if he won't stop. Granted I watched his previous movies because I had to see what they were like, but I could have lived my life without seeing (although would I have known that if I didn't see them) and I won't be bragging to my friends and family about how they have to see these Rob Zombie movies like the Devil's Rejects, House of 1000 Corpses and whatever else he was allowed to film. (I'm not wasting my time to link these movies as you can waste your time to Google them if you want it so badly.)

But back to this movie...truthfully, I would have much rather watched a Barney movie--yes, that purple dinosaur. Most of this movie's story line was weak and not well thought out. I have no idea what the fuck the white horse truly symbolizes because the lame text that was put at the beginning of the movie did nothing to bolster my knowledge. Maybe I missed the "deeper" meaning or maybe I just didn't really care knowing this was just another slasher movie remake. I can't tell you what happened in Halloween (2007) which Zombie made as well. That's how forgettable it was and now this one will follow. To add to how bad the first Zombie Halloween was...after seeing her in Zombie Halloween II and Googling Danielle Harris (who is kind of hot) because she looked like the little girl in some other Halloween movies (which she actually was the little girl), it turns out that Ms. Harris was topless in Zombie's H1. So, if I of all people did not recall her showing her boobs in a movie, the movie has to be overwhelmingly bad and forgettable!

Most of the problem with these movies based on psychopathic human killers, is they make them out to be so indestructible and extremely powerful. Michael Myers is a human male. He is a psychotic killer with mommy issues. He is not immune to bullets, knives, fire, or car crashes and yet he is portrayed as this murderous deity. In Zombie's H2, a supposedly dead Michael survives a pretty destructive vehicle crash at the start of the movie. He tosses 150lb men like they are 5-lb potato sacks. He is weirdly aggressive and noisy in his killings (he never huffed and puffed in the earlier, non-Zombie movies). He lifts and turns over a car, albeit was a Yugo or Rabbit, all by himself. And yet, Michael Myers was just a screwed up 10-yr-old boy when he was committed. I don't know about you but I'd like to be committed if it turns me into a hulking 7-ft tall man but I'd have to keep the Myers-like killing under control.

The Michael Myers of old was eerie and scarier to me. Maybe that's because I was younger when I saw the first few originals. He never walked fast but seemed to always be where the victim was going. This new Michael has a fastidious gait which seemed to me to make him less imposing and threatening. I just wasn't feeling it.

Malcolm McDowell as Dr. Loomis just wasn't the right fit either or maybe it's the direction the character was taken. Donald Pleasence's Dr. Loomis was a truly compassionate and caring man in the original. He wasn't seemingly self-centered as McDowell's portrayal made him out to be. McDowell's Loomis was more like Dr. Phil of today...worried more about how much T.V. time and incoming cash flow can he get.

Anyway, take my advice and pass on this remake. I don't even think I would recommend borrowing it from a friend who already made the mistake of renting/buying it. It's really not worth wasting two hours of your precious time. Trust me!

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