The Human Centipede [First Sequence] (2009)

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009). This is another movie that I was able to watch on my Netflix free trial. I think I had it on my Blockbuster Queue as well but I figured since I can get it on watch instantly, why wait for it to come in the mail.

I must say that I was quite disappointed with the movie. It was slow and too drawn out. It was pretty boring. Maybe if it had a better storyline/script and was about a maximum of 45 minutes long (and that's pushing it), it would have been a lot better.

The guy that played the doctor played the part fairly well. I mean he looked the part which added to his creepiness. I'm not sure that he could have fended off any of the individuals that became part of the "first sequence" if they decided to fight back before becoming "attached." He was pretty frail compared to the Asian guy as well as the two girls. I know they were drugged and all but after they were attached the Asian was pretty functional compared to the other girls. Yes. Yes. He was probably in a huge state of shock to wake one day to find some naked hot chick's lips surgically attached to his sphincter but I would think "fight or flight" would have kicked in at sometime.

I don't recall how the Asian guy got captured but the two girls are just plain stupid. If this doctor would have answered some door I knocked on, I would have turned tail. My danger radar probably would have been chirping if not blaring full blast. It's like if Lurch from the Addam's Family answered the door. I...Am...Outta...There!

I'm not medical enthusiast but I really didn't understand the point of removing the victims knee caps. Maybe it was to keep them from trying to "run" away but I would think that having your knee caps removed would hurt like fuck! As such, I would think it would hurt like fuck to crawl around on your knees.

The point of a horror movie is to inflict fear into an individual in the sense that they think this could actually happen. I don't think this movie did a very good job at that. I mean the occurences could happen but it wasn't a frigtful notion as much as it was an "Eh, it could happen but not likely" kind of thought.

SPOILER ALERT! I didn't like the ending much either. I didn't like how both the detectives/investigators were killed. They both got popped by a puny, scrawny, severly injured man. The first cop got cut and shot (I think). Granted he was feeling the effects of ingesting a bit of whatever drug the doctor put in his water. Note to self and readers: DON'T TAKE DRINK OFFERINGS FROM STRANGERS! The second cop, the seemingly smarter of the two, had a hell of a shot to the doctor's forehead but he himself was shot and died shortly after.

I did find it sickly amusing when the Asian guy had to shit. His reactions and emotions were priceless. It totally sucked ass (literally) for the girl stuck to his ass. This scene had to be one of the better of the entire movie.

So, at the end of the movie, I was left with two impressions:

1. I guess the 2nd sequence will probably start off with someone finding the doctor's insane "research notes" and decide to continue with his work since he's dead.
2. It sucks for the girl that "survived" to be the middle link of the three-pede. The guy's whose ass she is sucking on killed himself and her friend who's sucking on her ass died from infection. She is stuck in the middle (Ha! I crack myself up!).

In the end, I was very disappointed in this movie. I saw a bunch of previews and articles talking about it before it premiered that were more positive than negative. I guess my expectations were set too high. I felt like I was watching a movie made by a high school theater student with an old Hi-8 camcorder and some friends or random people he asked to be part of his "project film."

There was no mystery, suspense, intenseness, or ANYTHING that would keep someone interested. I, unfortunately, make myself watch all of a movie because I hate to not complete the watching of a movie. It's weird, I know. Anyway, even the very brief nudity of the two female characters that was shown was not enough for me to speak much more about this horrible film. I've already wasted too much time and effort.

If you haven't figured out my verdict yet, I will definitely tell you to pass on this movie. It is a waste of the studio's time, money and effort as well as yours. So listen to me and avoid it! Don't even listen to anyone that says ANYTHING positive about this movie. They lie and they don't know what the hell they are talking about. Just leave it on the shelf, literal and virtual.