Monday, September 05, 2005

Fleas

What the hell is the purpose of the flea? Not the drummer from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. But the common "household" flea. Who named it the "household" flea, anyway?

Since we've moved into our new place a little over two months ago, I have track marks from on my feet up to my calves on both legs! We don't own ANY animals except for my two children. The previous tenants had a cat. My assumption is it was an indoor cat but I'm not for sure. For all I know, it could have occasionally made it outside. The landlord had the carpets shampooed before we moved in but obviously it didn't make a damn difference.

About a month ago, I noticed a "death" smell when I came through the front door. It really wasn't anywhere else, just when I opened and walked through the door. I don't know if it was because I was getting used to it while I was in the house or it was something dead over there door entry area.

A few days later we realized we were basically infested with these little fucks called fleas! We called the landlord and told him the problem with the smell and fleas. About a week later and after calling the day before he came with some guy, he shows up. Turns out, the neighbors in front of us (we live in a duplex, remember) were having flea problems too. The asshole landlord didn't bother to mention this to us. I guess when you are rich and own tons of property, you don't have to be cordial to your renters. Asshole! I mean he seems like a nice enough guy but when it comes to answering to our renting needs, he sucks!

They did come in and spray a day later. They couldn't find the dead thing in the attic which I knew they wouldn't because I spent about an hour looking up there the day before they came to look at it before they sprayed.

So, it's been about ten days since the initial spraying. The landlord said to remind him to come back in ten days. I put a note on the envelope I put in his mailbox for this month's rent saying it's time for a respray since it's been ten days.

At the time of this typing, I think it's been fifteen days. The smell is back but not as strong as before. Maybe it is a smaller rat this time. The fleas are still fairly annoying. I picked and smashed about twelve of them last night after I got home from the wedding and before going to bed. This morning I went to play tennis since most of they guys that play Saturdays and Sundays are off so they played today as well.

Anyway, I drove in my Jeep to the courts with the doors off, meaning it was windy, and when I got to the tennis courts, which is about a thirty minute drive, I looked down to fix my socks and what did I see? One of those blood-sucking, skin-biting little fucks hanging on for dear life on my shin. I proceeded to pick it off and rub it between thumb and pointer finger until it was a grind up mess!

I get home from tennis and I go up in the attic once again to see if I can find a carcass to put with the smell but to no avail. The rats or whatever elude me in death just like in life.

Now, besides the fleas and the smell, I have killed and flushed seven horse flies in the past hour. I have no idea where they are coming from. We haven't been outside since about 2 p.m. and it's been dark since around 8-ish. Typically, I've noticed the only pests that fly during the night are mosquitoes or june bugs. Hardly ever have I seen flies, much less horse flies, flying at night..inside a house...coming from somewhere. All I can think is that they are around the dead carcass and smell up in the attic and are getting into the living space by a vent or something.

Hopefully, the flies will still be around tomorrow during the day so I can see them hovering over and converging onto the area where the dead thing is so we'll know and be able to remove the blasted thing! We'd be so lucky!

So, it stinks again by the front door and the fleas are still an annoyance and now I have horse flies invading. Hopefully, they'll show for the respray tomorrow or sometime soon this week. I think we'll have to burn dozens of candles for the fowl smell!

Note to self: If God really exists and I get to go to Heaven, ask to see his book on why in Hell he created the flea, what purpose it serves and why would you make it procreate faster than the Mexicans and Chinese!

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