Saturday, July 16, 2005

Oddball at the office

I posted this on a very old blog page that I created on my home webserver but thought I'd let others read it since I no longer run the server and this person no longer works with me because of credit card theft...

Have you ever noticed that there is always this one person at the work place that is odd? Not just odd but downright freaking weird! I think anyone that has worked in an office for an extensive amount of time runs into a person like the one that I'm about to describe.

I've been working at my current place of employment for about five years. Over these five years, I've had about eight different "offices." I currently sit in an open area of our offices that has been separated by cubicle walls. I actually share a wall with one coworker.

The other cubicle is an entity on it's own and it houses the "oddball."

The first thing I noticed about him was that he tended to stutter. Not stutter like Mel Tillis - for those of you that can relate - but he would start a sentence and get halfway through it and he'd start it over again. I think it's more because he's trying to find a way to say something more clever or witty. Instead, he sounds like a babbling idiot and when he finally gets the words out it's not witty or clever because you are so pissed that it took him so long to say it.

Now I'm not a complete ass and calling him odd because he stuttered. You'd really have to experience it firsthand to know what I mean. Another thing he would do is make quirky sounds. He'll get an email or a phone call and he'll make a sigh like "huh?" Like he's never supposed to get an email or phone call. Or he'll laugh to himself or presumably at something he read in an email or on the internet. I'm not sure since his cubicle entrance does not face me. Thank God! He makes a lot of quizzical noises or noises in general.

Once again, it's something you have to experience personally to get the full annoyance of it all. The latest thing is really the worst.

He falls asleep at his desk on a daily, almost hourly basis. No kidding! I mean he's kind of nodded off a few times about seven months ago while I will be talking to him, asking questions but these latest episodes are just way too bizarre.

Most of the time I can block out things and I am used to blocking out this person's quirks and qualms. I have another coworker that sits next to me, the one I share a dividing cubicle wall with that it tends to really bother, mainly because she gets to seem him in all his disgusting glory because the entrance to her cubicle sort of faces the entrance to his cubicle. Occasionally, we don't need line-of-sight to know that he's sleeping. Sometimes he'll fall asleep with his head back and you can hear what we have dubbed the "wind tunnel." Basically, his heavy breathing while he's asleep. Usually he's got his chin resting on his chest when he falls asleep but lately it's about half and half.

Anyway, I here the "wind tunnel" and I know my coworker is going to hear it. I know it's going to bother her and then it bothers me that it is bothering her. I probably haven't explained it clearly but it's like I have angst for him knowing she is going to hear it. It is just weird and difficult to explain in words. Luckily for us, not him, the bosses have noticed. Not only has our direct supervisor noticed - we share the same supervisor - but the boss of the entire office has busted him as well. Unfortunately, she didn't bust him personally. She saw him and went to tell his supervisor. Who in turn went to wake him up. I wasn't there when "the awakening" commenced but I heard that she literally had to shake him, hard, back and forth. Even though he has experienced this "awakening" by his boss, it hasn't stopped him from falling asleep at his desk. It's gotten so bad that his ass falls asleep within an hour of him arriving at work. I know that narcolepsy isn't "catchable." I don't know if it's genetic or something but I know it's not one of those things you all of a sudden "get." You would also think that he would have some inkling that he may have a problem. I mean he falls asleep, wakes up on his own or is woken up by someone in the office, and then more than likely falls asleep again.

Personally, it's not my problem or my business but they should require him to go to the doctor to see what the hell is going on. As I've said, it's getting a little out of hand with the daily nodding off while at work. Luckily for him, it doesn't affect his work too much since there isn't too much work for him to do right now. Even so, you NEVER let your superiors see you sleep!

Along with the sleeping, he's just all around weird, almost creepy. It's like he has stalker tendencies. Sometimes he'll walk into the entry way of your cube or office and just stand there. Now, granted you may be engaged in a conversation on the phone or with someone in the office but most NORMAL people would knock on the door or make their presence known. He just stands there and stands there. Sometimes I've seen him stand without the person he's waiting on seeing him for a good 10 minutes.

I guess the final freaky thing he does is he wears the same damn outfit ALL the time. Now I have 3 pairs of pants and about 9 shirts that I cycle through to wear for work but never do I wear the same combination within the same week. This person has so far gone on a 10-day-wearing-the-same-outfit spree. Of course, you could pass this off as a uniform in some businesses or schools but we are not required or expected to wear a uniform. Now, I know what it's like to be pretty much poor compared to others at work and sometimes you may have to wear the same pants and/or shirt to get by for that day. The problem lies in the fact that his ass smells! My assumption is he's able to bathe because he's got an apartment. Most apartments have a bathroom. I figure that he has to do laundry at the laundry mat, either in the apartment complex or in a shopping center somewhere. I think he's just not doing any laundry. It's quite disgusting. Luckily, I haven't been privy to his stench but a few of my coworkers have. Needless to say, this is what I have to deal with at work.

So, if you think your coworker is bad, just read this and then you'll know someone else shares your pain.

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