Thursday, July 14, 2005

Public toilets

I just came back from the restroom down the hall from my office and I had a thought before I plopped my butt down to drop a log. I wondered how many people have I heard say or write [in blogs or whatever] that they absolutely refuse to sit on a public crapper either for #1 for women or #2 for women and men.

I can't exactly call my work's crapper a 'public' crapper as it's not in a shopping mall or even in a big business. It's in the first floor of a building on campus that has three other men's restrooms on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th floors. At this time, the campus is pretty dead since it's the summer so the restroom hasn't seen a whole hell of a lot of action.

Anyhow, people would mention about how they think these public toilets are gross. I must agree but you haven't see our toilets. They were redone about six months ago - high-society corporate-style. Where there were three stalls separated by the metal partitions you'd see in an elementary school restroom, there are now two stalls. Each with their own special "room" with a wooden door, a soft-glow light, a heat-sensitive auto-flush toilet and a hat/coat hook. Pretty fancy, smancy!

All in all, they are pretty well kept. We have a cleaning crew that saunters about the buildings keeping things 'clean.' From the male perspective, occasionally there may be a deposit someone couldn't get to flush or just was a disgustingly, lazy bastard and wanted others to relish in his heinous creation. Either way, I typically don't get too worked up about having to use the crapper at work. I'm pretty germaphobic like most people, especially parents, and I always check for bodily secretions that I would not want to sit in or even touch with the toe of my shoe!

Today, I was reminded of one of the times I was disgusted by what I saw in the office restroom. No, it wasn't a fecal beaver dam or a Van Gogh-like picture made in the colors of brown and yellow. It was ass sweat! Yes, folks, ass sweat! The previous occupant had apparently literally sweat his ass off while dropping a load! It wasn't so disgusting because of the sweat residue itself. What made it worse was that within the sweat residue you could see the outlines of ass and thigh hair. No lie!

What to do. A fecal dam in the toilet you can usually flush and get rid of. But this was ass sweat on the toilet seat, a seat that is supposed to help protect you from the germs by keeping your butt and legs from touching the porcelain of the toilet bowl. Should I take the time to get wads of toilet paper and wipe it down for me to use, all the while grimacing to myself that someone I know in the building and probably work with closely has nasty, sweaty, hairy ass? Or should I try to see what's behind door number two? Oh my gosh! Door number two has the ever dreaded fecal beaver dam! I couldn't take no more. I walked the two flights of stairs to the 2nd floor restroom that hardly anyone uses because only four men work on that floor and one has his own private restroom. It was as clean as a public/office restroom could be. Finally, I was able to get myself some relief!

No comments: